For many years we have been gathering the cream of the world’s intelligentsia to give our readers an insight on where they think this world of ours is heading. Whether it be transportation technology, beverage refreshments, or the world of spiritual exploration; these XenoxNews lectures never fail to inform, enlighten, and provoke.
Today we have Professor Williams of the Xenox Institute. Basically the Prof is a genius. He has dabbled in all things scientific for the good part of a half century and in this time published a plethora of amazing findings. These include his cutting edge research on evolution, climate science, and nude girls. His work has astounded the mandarins of science and made him one of the world’s leading lights on the practice of this noble art. We invited him to give the latest XenoxNews lecture and he chose to tell us where he thinks the study of biology, or as it calls itself now life science, is heading…
Good afternoon fellow seekers of truth. And I say that in all seriousness; for is that not what we scientists are? We are the delvers into the mechanisms of life and the universe; on a quest to discover what make us, and the world around us, tick.
And as such we are duty bound to report the truth of our findings. Just the facts! No more! No less!
So, what of that glorious pillar of science, biology? The study of life itself. The science of what makes a man a man. Where does the Life Science stand today? Well, if you go by the number of people researching, the number of papers published, the amount of taxpayers dollars it receives in funding; it has never been better. Each day around the world tens of thousands of life scientists are beavering away at their work bench; scrapping petri dishes, torturing mice, pipetting liquids up and down; so that we, the average hoi polloi, can finally attain life immortal.
I mean that is why we are paying these dipshits, right?
Yet after all their years of promise; their Genome and Proteome projects, their multi-billion dollar institutes, what have we got? I would suggest not very much. In fact, sweet fuck all. You could take away the last 25 years of life science research and find that in terms of actual effect on the general population nothing has changed. There has been no health dividend. Even a cursory examination of the data reveals no statistically significant changes in health and longevity over this time.
What has happened? Where have these poindexters of the body gone wrong?
Well it is my belief, that like many pampered public servants, they began to believe their own bullshit. They became wedded too much to their constructs of the mind. To the idea that their thoughts and inane ramblings reflected the reality. For instance, take the concept of the cell; originally described by Galileo when he looked down his telescope at the products of his masturbation, the cell has become the causis belli of the life scientist. We are all made of cells they will tell you; if we understand the cell we will understand life! And if you keep paying me we will understand it even more…
But by now they have dissected the cell every fucking way. They have described enough different cell populations to account for every citizen of earth. What have we got in return? Not very fucking much!
No cures… lots of promise… so many breakthroughs… but all that is left is a pile of rubble… A science of press releases to the gullible public…Never has more money been spent… but never have we had more useless results…
We could build the A-bomb in 5 years but to cure cancer they tell us it’ll take another 20 years. At $100billion a year thank you very much!
I say it is time for a fundamental rethink on the core philosophy of biology. Gentleman I tell you that the cell is dead. The cell is now a discredited idea; on a par with Lysenkoism!
That is it; - biology is now an ideology. Nothing based in reality, it is a mere construct of political nonsense. Like a Stalinist show trial, the life scientist pumps out dubious facts which they contradict at their next outing. What these layabouts need is the discipline of the market. No more peer reviewed nonsense please. They all need a dose of economic reality! Ok, yes give them funds, but they must reach benchmarks set by us, the long suffering taxpayer. You want another $500 000 for your research, then I want you to cure my aunt of cancer by the end of the year. And if you can’t well then no more money for you sir!
Ultimately there needs to be a re-education of the practitioners of the dark art of ‘life science’. No more will we allow them to gouge on the public teat like an overfed babe. Time to stand up to these bully boys of the intellect! Demand some bang for your buck! If these bastards can’t give us life immortal within the next 25 years then it is time to go back to worshipping some other false gods instead.
Now it is not for me to reformulate the basic ideas of life science. I have a lifetime of scientific achievement behind me; I don’t have to prove the wealth of my intellect to anyone. No, it is today’s Darwins and Robert Hookes who should do the thinking. The theorising. They can’t complain, they have more money and time then any of their predecessors could dream of.
And if they can’t think of anything new then show them the lab door; and don’t let it slam shut on their arses as they leave!
My challenge to them is to think. For a change.
Ladies and Gentleman, thank you for your attention.
Ricardovitz
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Said somethin 'bout "We could build an A-Bomb..." See thar boys and girls, that thar is a Big Lie. But y'all swaller it up like cajun boiled p-nuts 'cuz y'all is a bunch of Jim-Jones Flavor-Aid drinkers.. That's right, twasn't koolaid them dumb Jim-Jones Commies done drank, now was it. Jim-Jones - he worked fer thar Devil, but he was still doin God's work - gettin rid of a few hundred 'tarded Commies is what God done delegated to thar Devil. Anywhoo - nuff of history. This here feller that wrote this 'lill ditty - he tain't never built no A-Bomb, and he sure cain't do it in 5 years neither. Why? Cuz he ain't Kraut-like - he's Commie-like which means scat fer brains. Our Lord built thar biggest Fusion Bomb this here Universe ever done saw - and he done it in 7 days! A-Bomb was envented long time ago God Almighty - them Kraut scientists jest figured out how ta re-asemble a teeny weeny part of it, that's all. |
Ricardovitz
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Tain't none of yer business what my private parts is like. They git a job da do 'n they git it done jest fine. Best you mind yer own private parts 'n git 'em workin fer God's Glory, 'n not fer thar Devil's Homosexual Brigade. |
Pee Wee Ricky
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It doesn't matter that it is so small Ricardo, God makes them in all sizes, but it does explain why you are so intimidated by Afro-Americans! |
Howard Hughes Instituot
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We note your lecture with interest. Can you resurrect the dead? If not, then fuck off. |
Padre Pio
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The scientist is nothing more than Satan in a lab coat; destroying the mystery of life and love of christ. For that they should all burn in hell. For a long fucking time. God bless, Padre P. |
Ricardovitz
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Lots of thangs got bigger peckers than mine. I reckon my two donkeys got some large peckers on 'em - if ya got any interest in animal peckers. Niggers is said to have long animal-like peckers - tain't never seen one so I dern't rightly know - jest goin on what y'all is sayin. Yup - lots of animals got bigger peckers than me or my kind - dern't see the shame in that. Thar sure ain't no gals 'round here that think 'bout whorin with niggers nomore than they think 'bout whorin with donkeys. Bible says its sinful, disgusting perversion fer woman er man ta lie wit beasts - jest ain't the kind of thing good folks 'round here think upon. |
Beam me up
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All this money into science and all you get is cynical cocksuckers who are in serious denial. i.e. Over 1500 UFO sightings in Australia every year and increasing and these bastards refuse to even consider the phenomenon worth a look. "No. There couldn't be anything out there" And what of the tens of thousands of people who have taken DMT and had similar experiences with the little fucking elves talking to them. Cunts from all over the globe, in the middle of the forest have the same DMT like transportation experience, but do the scientists have any explanations for where these people go? Hardly a study non this stuff that shakes the very fabric of so called rationalist society. And what is it with the pineal gland pumping out the same active ingredient when someone is near death? Can scientists explain this for us? No they fucking can't. And why? Because they are too scared to look. Ooooh - can't get involved with that. |
Dr IP Freelly
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Listen you lunatic, as soon as you mention spacemen you deal yourself out of any rational argument. Why should I waste my time and my research staff's valuable time on your fantasies? Face it, just because you believe it doesn't make it true. In fact for a deluded individual like yourself I'd imagine anything you 'believe' is a total concoction of drug induced fantasy. Now piss off and let the big boys play, ok? Dr IP Freely |
Beam me up
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I don't believe anything. I just want to know what is going on by way of a level of considered investigation on certain phenomenon where we have hundreds of thousands of witnesses. Science is just one big fob off when things start getting a little strange. |
Estoban
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"Listen you lunatic, as soon as you mention spacemen you deal yourself out of any rational argument." We can see how our scientists operate, if in fact the dear doctor here is one. With so little real research done in the UFO field the only come back these bright sparks of investigation have is 'little green spacemen'. Perhaps UFOs operate somewhere slightly beyond our 5 senses, but we will probably never understand this with any thanks to the scientific establishment. Just as it was with the green house effect these monumental types of discoveries will continue to be made by long haired people sitting around camp fires and coffee tables pondering things in a deep and inquisitive manner. |
Dr IP Freelly
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Why should we debate with dimwits such as yourselves? The evidence of these fanciful UFO observations have been clearly debunked time and time again yet still you come back with your craZY obsessions and paranoid delusions. Maybe the reason why the grown up part of the human community won't look into your nonsense is because we are right and you are wrong. Wrong every fucking time. Now grow up and do something useful for society! Dr IP Freely |
HAiry Fucknuckle
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In all of these UFO and alien sightings has anyone spotted the alien girls? Are they cute?Are they into earthmen? Just curious ;) With one hand on the joystick and the other stuck to the keyboard, Herr Fucknuckle |
Emily
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One common observation is that their flying machines are silent and can move very fucking quickly. |
uncle remus
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the facts are 5 million reports per year - unfortunately very little forensic reporting from our paper people -lets choose some random recent eye witness reports http://www.examiner.com/x-2363-UFO-Examiner~y2010m4d18-UFO-picks-up-Laconia-NH-car-with-teens-and-drops-180-feet-away |
Dr IP Freely
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"Myself and the lad were sober, and we saw a huge spherical object that was moving horizontally across the night sky very slowly," Ms Clarke told the Sunday Territorian. Deary me Uncle Remus; you truly are a fuckwit. Imagine sighting NT News as a reliable source. Well at least your 'eye witness' confirmed she was sober, which is a change from your usual UFO spotters. Look if you really believe in these little green men why don't you hale one of their ships and get the fuck off this planet. Heaven knows we don't need anymore dimwits like you around! Dr IP Freely |
Dr IP Freelly
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Re: Telegraph story SO are the aliens lasering the sheep before or after they make the crop circles? Jesus Christ, what sort of fool would believe the natterings of some dim bulb Yorkshire farmer? These UFO 'spottings' are always by some hillbilly or drunken fool and are about as credulous as santa claus. But then again you UFOniks probably believe in him too? Dr IP Freely |
Beam me up
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Thank you for providing this commentary from the so called 'scientific' point of view of things. This thread clearly displays the head in the sand attitude of the bulk of the so called scientific community when it comes to phenomenon that they can't understand or explain. The diversionary tactics are typical, and something one might expect for unusual single eye witness one off 'bizarre' events however the UFO phenomenon, whatever the fuck it might be, is definitely one of the elephants in the room amongst the 'rationalist' community. |
Herr Fucknuckle
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But still the question remains.... Can you have sex with the aliens? Or more to the point, will they have sex with me? Yours quivering like jelly, Hairy Fuckednasal |
uncle remus
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So UFOs are all over NT but we should ignore the newspaper reports because of what, the Darwin Stubbie? Or because of, um, what exactly? Regardless of sensationalist editors (um Tex are you there?) should the newspaper ignore the daily reports of strange incidents? April 29th, 2010 "There have been seven separate Top End UFO sightings reported in the past week. Hardly a night has passed without a sighting of some "unexplained phenomena" since the first sighting last week." http://www.ntnews.com.au/artic...tnews.html |
Dr IP Freelly
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You know what else is all over Australia's Northern Territory? Petrol sniffing, and I think that has got more to do with these 'sightings' than little green men with antenna in their heads. Scientists are working hard all round the world on real things; they don't have time to investigate every hallucination some drugged out hillbilly sees! Dr IP Freely |
regular Joe
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At night I lie in bed rigid as a board. fear got me; just plain terrified. And I don't think science can help. I don't think science wants to help. |
FlimFlamMan
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Forget about the life sceince. What about the liars of the dumb science; economics. Those cunts have been screwing with us for years! |
Little Lord Fauntleroy
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I long ago gave up any fascination with science. Now, for me, I have dedicated the wanderings of my mind to the pleasures of the flesh and the creeping dance with death which will take me to the end of my days. What has a fucking test tube got to do with that? Nothing! Lt Lord Fauntleroy C/- Bangkok |
Beam me up
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Well doc - those Colonels and other officers certainly didn't look as if they had been sniffing petrol in the CNN video. I think your 'hallucination' theory is getting a little weak. You might need to fabricate a new excuse. Something a little more credible as the evidence seems to be getting stronger each day. |
Prof Williams C\- Xenox Institute
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I am ambivalent when it comes to the UFO spacemen. Perhaps there are; perhaps there are not. However on the question of conspiracies of silence I totally disagree. The dimwits who run our governments and security agencies are as dumb as a $3 coin. The couldn't keep a secret if they tried. |
Prof Williams C\- Xenox Institute
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Seems like the rest of the science world is catching up to me. Again. In the article below some clown talks about finally making scientists accountable for all the money they have wasted. And like me, he singles cancer research out as a another engorged mouth on the public teat. http://www.nature.com.libproxy...8135a.html |
Crazy Larry
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Depends how you define life I suppose... My shrinks says that life is just what goes on in your head. Then what about the voices in my head? WHAT ABOUT THE VOICES!!!!??? |
Leaker of Scientist lies
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And now we find this: 'We have uncovered thousands of exonic sites where the RNA sequences do not match those of the DNA sequences, including transitions and transversions. These findings challenge the long-standing belief that in the same individuals, DNA and RNA sequences are nearly identical. ' Science, Vol. 333 no. 6038 pp. 53-58, 2011 That is the whole genetic theory of life is about to come tumbling down. But that won't stop those bastards sticking out their hands and asking for more of your money. |
LOVING THE ALIEN
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JESUS WAS NOT HUMAN. HE WAS FROM ANOTHER PLANET. HIS SPECIAL POWERS WERE SIMPLY ADVANCED TECHNOLOGIES OF THE MIND THAT IGNORANT EARTHLINGS COULD NOT POSSIBLY COMPREHEND 2000 YEARS AGO. OR NOW. HE WAS EXECUTED FOR HIS OTHERNESS. BUT HE DID NOT DIE. ALIEN SCIENCE BROUGHT HIM BACK TO LIFE AND HE WAS WHISKED AWAY BY FELLOW ALIENS WHO BEAMED HIM ABOARD THEIR SPACESHIP CIRCLING THE PLANET. BUT JESUS WILL NOT RETURN, THERE WILL BE NO "SALVATION", NO "RAPTURE". THE ALIENS HAVE LEARNED THE FEARSOME, FEAR-FILLED NATURE OF THE IGNORANT HUMAN BEAST. OUR OBSESSION WITH "FAITH" AND DOGMA HAS SEALED OUR FATE. WE ARE ALL TO BE LEFT TO OUR OWN SELF-DESTRUCTIVE PROCLIVITIES. WE ARE ABANDONED BY OUR BETTERS. UFOS ARE MERELY ALIENS LIKE JESUS OBSERVING OUR MADNESS FROM AFAR. PRAY ALL YOU LIKE TO WHOMEVER OR WHATEVER YOU LIKE. YOU WILL NOT BE "SAVED'. YOU ARE ALL F*CKED. ESPECIALLY CATHOLICS. |
Dizzy Drongo
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whar 'd about the plynth. they said there was gunna be a plynth. spose that is all bull too... |
Ricardovitz
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Y'all are learnin somethin - Jesus wern't no human. He was God on earth - tookk human form. |
Jesus was a numb skull?
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Why did he land in the desert with the arabs and jews? Why not time it different and land somewhere civilised? Maybe he was one of those dodo gods? The lord of the numb skulls? No wonder his father forsake him! |
Tim Rice
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That is exactly the point I was trying to make when I wrote "Jesus Christ Superstar"! |
Ricardovitz
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The ayrabs 'n the jews rejected Jesus - dern't want nothin to do with him. So God DID guide his efforts in the direction of more intelligent Europeans, specially the Nordic type. I reckon y'all notice how Jesus din't bother gowin down ta Africa to commence preachin to a bunch of jungle-monkeys. Why? Cuz they ain't evolved 'nuff to understand nothin! Turns out ayrabs 'n jews tain't neither. |
La Creatura Bella Bianca Vestita
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Priests, politicians and merchants misinform and thieve. We know not of Jesus, for time, tyranny and stupidity have robbed us of facts. If Jesus existed, he does so no longer. Find your own grace, goodness and forgiveness. Only you know what you are guilty of. Only you know the price you must pay for redemption. The future forgives, the present punishes, and the past obscures. Let it be. |
professional poet and poseur
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Oh jesus was a nice boy; Till his mother taught him not to touch his toy. Became a challenge to the young man and... He fucked himself silly and Mary magdalene galore! |
Ricardovitz
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Some of y'all git it in mind that Hell tain't real, or jest fun 'n parties fer Godless folks. Them folks who think that is feedin evil with thar souls. 'N y'all dern't wanna mess with evil, cuz you ain't got no idea what misery lay in store fer ya. No idea at all. When you is gettin tortured fer all eternity, you jest remember what 'ol Ricardovitz told ya. Tain't like you dern't git fair warnin. |
Horace Orifice
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OK. now, generally speaking, I am all for freedom of expression, let it roll and damn the torpedoes ( Surely the Holy Grail of Xenox News?) but this "Ricardovitz" character is obviously not well and in need of serious medical attention. I suggest to all XN readers that they ignore his glib blurts of raving ignorance and dense hate. Better yet, if anyone out there knows of a website or referral service wherefore to nudge Mr R, for solace and surcease of his dementia, at least some good will come of it all after all. Sound fair? |
Max Gross
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Bugger that! Find out where he lives and pay him a midnight visit, BYO baseball bats. That's all the solace and surcease that fossilized old puddle of vomit deserves. |
Science Insider
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Prof Williams is on the money here. The bullshit just keeps getting stacked higher... http://retractionwatch.wordpress.com/ treat all claims with the utmost skepticism... |
Science Insider
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seems like 10 years of falsified results... published in the highest journals...now seem like crap... possibly 70 papers to be retracted... all thanks to the wonders of 'Photshop' |
on't...
