Xenox News

The Australian federal election took a US style twist today with an old school friend of John Howard claiming the Prime Minister had lied about his cricketing past and would often avoid playing the game at school by "hiding in the girl's toilets". Retired diesel mechanic Jim Clegson who in his boyhood days proudly played the role of school bully says he remembers John Howard when they completed senior in native Bankstown.
"Old Howey was always good for a laugh" said Clegson with a hint of fondness. "It was the usual stuff you know, hiding his glasses or pulling down his pants in front of the girls-he was hilarious".

After reminiscing on other fun incidents such as "locking Howey in the gardner's shed" and "planting wierd pornography in his school bag" Clegson repeated his allegation that "Howey" rarely went anywhere near the cricket field.

"He'd come down sometimes bragging about his Dad taking him to see Bradman but we all thought Bradman was a poof".
After being chased and beaten "Howey", the future Prime Minister, was rarely to be seen near the sporting fields again.

Photos of a youthful John Howard sending down "his offies" whilst attending University are also proving to be false.
"He was hopeless" said former University cricket captain Keith Campole who regarded Howard as "a pest and a brown nose".
"We used to beat him up too" admitted a sheepish Campole.

John Howard in the meantime has dismissed the allegations as muckraking.
"I don't remember anyone beating me up at school or at Uni" he said with his usual conviction and poise.

In the meantime Mr Howard has claimed that the country is finally getting worldwide recognition after George Bush in a US election speech described Austria and its Prime Minister John Hubert as being his new best friends.