In the testicles of God? Or was he magically created and embedded into Mary's womb?
It is a wonder. He must have been created somewhere if he existed. If in the testicles of God, what does the sperm of God look like? Is it one tailed or two? What about the penis of God? Surely a sword that when unsheathed would be a frightening sight!
These are the religous questions that need to be answered. Do you think maybe somewhere in the bowels of the Vatican there is a record of learned discourse about such things? I mean they have documented bits of Jesus' foreskin, so why not his old man's pecker?
Artist conception of God on his way to Mary's house to perform the Immaculate Conception
And when we have the truth, the praying will follow.
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Comments (22)
Oddnadatta
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The pictures I've seen of Jesus clearly identify him as a bearded, long-haired hippy faggot in a gown. Is that right Ricardo? |
Fuck a flying nun
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Imagine that guy hovering over your bedroom! Either you'd scream or open your legs... I guess we know which way that went back in 0 A.D. ;) |
Ricardovitz
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I reckon I dern't know esactly how God done made Jesus. I reckon that thar's between God, Mary and Jesus, ain't it. I mean, think on this a spell, I dern't esactly know how some of you folks is created. Some of you could have been made from genetically nuked pig-sperm in a testube. And, then thar's the queers - how is they made? Cain't get a queer from two homosexuals drillin fer mud. Cain't get no lesbians from two Dikes lickin thar p-thangs. But, sure 'nuff, thar's queers and lesbians. I reckon thar Devil has a hand in makin them - but how's he do it? Noobody knows How was Jesus made - Nooboday knows. And, if some dumb Dago-Wap warein pope-robes and diddlin lill children's private parts pretends like he knows this nor that 'bout Jesus, he ain't nothin but thar Devil, boys and girls. Y'all remember that - them Wap-know-it-all pervert fornicators tis the Devil! |
Con Stipae
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I am genuinely "relieved" that you were still able to work a reference to the latter segment of the human digestive tract into the article as per Xenox News tradition. Where would we be without tradition. Up the fucking Khyber mate. |
Ricardovitz
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Y'all can jokity-joke 'rond all you want 'bout God bein the Devil this 'n that. But, thar'll come a day when I look down on all you unforgivin sinners burnnin in Hell. Thar's still time....but not fer long. Better gitt a workin fer thar Lord. Anywhoo - we need some good backyard machinists ta grind out frames fer 1911's, Sigs, and CZ pistols. We need some barrel makers, some sheet metal boys, a good steel forge, to git ourselves ready fer the Big Dance. Any you'all up fer the chores? |
R. Childs
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Daer Mr Ricardovitz. The way I understand things heaven is related to love and compassion, and hell is related to hate and ugliness, and from what I have seen you are one of the most hate filled person's posting on the internet. You're messages put shame on all of us passive and loving Christian people. Change your ways Ricardovitz, repent for all of your hate talk, before it is too late for your poor soul. |
lambrateerror
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If you check in the bible you will found the answer. You may read Mat 1:18. It's clear... |
Matty
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Matthew 1:18-25 The Birth of Jesus Christ 18This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. 20But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,[a] because he will save his people from their sins." 22All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"—which means, "God with us." 24When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus. Footnotes: 1. Matthew 1:21 Jesus is the Greek form of Joshua, which means the LORD saves. 2. Matthew 1:23 Isaiah 7:14 |
Herr Fuckeduncle
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well in my "horny bible" things happened a little differently... It was a bright summers morn in Jerusalem. Mary was lying in bed, her wooden dildo beside her, after another night of solo hide the sausage. "Oh if there was only a good man to fuck me" she sighed. She did have a husband, but like all good Jewish men he was more interested in filthy lucre than satisfying his wife. Suddenly, the skies darkened. The heavens above grew ominous. And then, in a flash of smoke at the foot of her bed, appeared a glowing white figure. A figure of a naked man. And in his hand was the mightiest cock a woman has seen, a true sword of Damocles. Mary, like any good Jewish woman, smiled and opened her legs. The rest you might say is history. Oh if only that boring old King James bible had more dirty bits like this! It'd keep me more interested! Yours holier than thou, Hairy Fuckedyouraunty |
Ricardovitz
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R. Childs, you dern't know nothin! I reckon I am a sinner - sin way too much fer my likin, but! I AM FORGIVEN. Now, I'm a gonna school you 'bout bein a warior for thar Lord: "But the Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one." (2 Thessalonians 3:3) That thar's me, Ricardovitz. I'm workin fer thar Lord guardin y'all from the Evil One............but, it ain't easy and I reckon I ain't gettin paid 'nuff fer it neither. But, my work shall be my salvation. "Then immediately an angel of the Lord struck him, because he did not give glory to God. And he was eaten by worms and died." (Acts 12:23) And I'm prophecizin that you sinners is fixin to git struck by an angel of thar Lord 'cuz you ain't givin him his glory due. Anywhoo - y'all do what y'all think is right. If it ain't right, God 'll let you know 'bout it soon 'nuff. |
HA HA HA
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The liberation of the human mind has never been furthered by dunderheads; it has been furthered by gay fellows who heaved dead cats into sanctuaries and then went roistering down the highways of the world, proving to all men that doubt, after all, was safe¾that the god in the sanctuary was finite in his power and hence a fraud. One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly more intelligent. - H.L. Mencken |
Ricardovitz
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Jesus was created in thar belly of God. If ya dern't know that, you's probaly one of them evolutionst chimp-folks. |
Lawn Green
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In god's belly? How did she get pregnant? Who rooted god? Were they married/ Or was Jesus a bastard? Please elucidate (Look it up). Inquiring minds would like to know. |
Thinking Man's Pevert
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If Jesus was in the belly of god that means god got pregnant by being fucked up the arse or giving head, doesn't it? |
Ricardovitz
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Jesus is God, is part of Him and he gifted him to thar World thru Mary. God dern't believe in no wastin of the seed, nor fornicatin fer fun, nor giftin a child to a gal so's she can jest git it ripped outa her like lead from thar barrel of a pokestock. God givted Mary a baby and he gifts all y'all gals babies too, just a different way. When a sinful whore abouts a child, she's abortin part of thar Lord. I reckon, she'll get her time one day to do her bidden 'fore God. |
Steve Henson
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Poker madness! It's on TV, online, and all over dining room tables around town. The sound of shuffling cards alone can give you a rush if you're a fan of Texas Hold 'em. But you might get nervous when you throw in your bets. |
Herr Fuckeduncle
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Poke Her Madness? You bet I got it! Why I'd poke anything with a hole and that's a her! A fence, a chair, toilet roll... any of these things will get the blood flowing to my nether regions! And then after a furious few seconds of pumping will come the time to clean up; which I hope she will be doing. Yours with my hands stuck to the floor, Hairy Fuckingyourclacker |
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