Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.

Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q: You are trapped in a room with a crocodile, a tiger and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the Collingwood fan – twice!

Of course Hitler is a Saint's supporter. The colour's match don't they?

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What happened the other day to wiggins on the playing field?

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Sam Newman last night had males around Australia visualising shooting sperm over the body of Tasmania's Minister for Economic Development and Tourism.

If you were one of the males who were not watching the Footy Show last night you have probably been inspired since to visualise the sperm shooting from your glans over the minister's belly thanks to both our popular press and poltically correct and balanced media outlets!

He had his shirt off...

It is a sure sign that he must have been smoking meth.

However...

Aussie Rules football was once known as the domain of the Neanderthal element but in modern times, the game has become infiltrated by a new breed of intelligent, quick witted players, coaches and commentators.

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - Shane Wakelin.

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Mick Malthouse, Collingwood.

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." - Peter Bell, Fremantle - on his University Law studies.

"You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." - Barry Hall, Sydney captain at training.

Brock Maclean (Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." - Kevin Sheedy on James Hird.

Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs Day Games "It's basically the same, just darker."

Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, "Barass, I don't know and I don't care."

Barry Hall, Sydney when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first."

"Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago" - Dermott Brereton.

"Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator." - Mark Williams.

"We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored." - Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." - Luke Darcy.

"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." - Dermott Brereton.

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious." - Adrian Anderson.

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - Andrew Demetriou.

"I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but there are none better." - Dermott Brereton.

"I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - Terry Wallace.

Garry Lyon: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?"
David Schwartz: "On what?"

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." - Dermott Brereton.

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." - Dermott Brereton.