Dear Boxhead

Can you please explain the whole atomic clock, earth clock and leap second debate in terms that a regular Joe can understand?
Do you think we should maintain this leap second thing and does it mean adjusting the atomic clock, or the earth clock or is there a Greenwich clock or a sun dial that is the master reference?
Maybe everything should be based on Big Ben because that is a clock most people have heard of?
Also do you know if they have to wind Big Ben up with a big key or does it run on batteries?

Allen Ginsberg

 

Dear Allen,

Difficult question for me mate. I’m just a man with his head in a box; not a god damn rocket scientist! But, I’ll give it a go.

I reckon this leap second is just more of this time scam people been running. Just another way they try and steal your time from you. The bastards always seem to be tinkering with it. Lucky for me inside my box it feels like time stands still, or at least it doesn’t pass until I put a new carton on me noggin.

Want to ignore the time scam? Drink a slab and put the box on your head, you’ll have no worries then mate.

As for Big Ben, never seen it, don’t know it, and they can wind it up the fucken Queens arse for all I care.

Cheers,

Boxy

Dear Boxhead,

 

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?

Sincerely,

Blow Me

 

Dear Blow Me,

The box on me noggin don’t allow much room for gourmet dining. Whatever I’m gobbling down has to fit through my hole. So I love a good hotdog – they have the shape to fit just right.

As for that shit they serve at the Golden Arches - forget it! They have banned me at the local one cause I spilt the mustard when I tried to cram a hamburger in.

I’m not surprised they don’t sell hotdogs – they hate my type of people.

Yours,

Boxy

Dear Boxhead,

Answer me this. What REALLY happened to Brian Jones?

Love,

Rolling Stoned

Dear Rolling Stoned,

I was born with the gift of a tin ear. As such music has never meant a damn to me; it's just another bit of infernal racket that I tried to hide away from in my box.

So I've never taken much interest in the why doings or how dones of musical collectives. What happened to Brian Jones? Got stoned, slipped into a pool and drowned. That's at least what I could gather after spending 7.9 seconds of research on him.

Maybe if he gave up his life of music and settled down with a box on his noggin, like myself, he might have lasted a bit longer.

And I'm certain he wouldn't have lost Anita to Keith, that's for sure.

 

Yours unmusically inclined,

 Boxy

Hey boxheaded cunt,

I see you like beer, at least as a head dress. What's your favourite?

How do you drink it?

With a straw?

Love,
Me.

 

Dear Me,

Yes, you can tell by the box I wear I enjoy a brew or two. But I am usually not so picky as to what I put on my noggin; I just grab what's close to hand and most times it's the box the latest slab has come in.

As for my beer I am a bit choosy; it usually all comes down to price. And I find I can't beat an old can of Knock Out for value in the alcohol/money stakes. It'll put you on your arse in no time.

And yes, I do drink with a straw. How else do you reckon I can get it into my gob you stupid cunt.

Regards,

Boxy

 

Bang it hard into side pocket
fly the white
invent a dispute about pool hall rules
based on a rational outcome
fortesqueue mother fucker
play the hand out

Dear Boxhead,

I have noticed that the exiled Tibetan leader is treated with some respect around these parts. Why is that so?

I mean after all, he wasn't elected, has no business experience, is feted by failed Hollywood film stars, and spouts new age nonsense as some sort of wise words of wisdom.

Why should this clown in a sheet get any respect?

Yours rationally,

Harry Mann

Dear Harry,

I don’t know too much about the Dalai Lama, but he seems an inoffensive old duffer. All he seems to do is swan around the world and hobnob with world leaders and celebrities. If he was doing anything useful for us hoi polloi I reckon the powers that be would have topped him a long time ago...

He does seem to have some sort of mystical side also, which isn’t a bad thing. I too often get the feeling of goodness and mysticism when I’m flat on my back staring up out of my box... The gutter is comfortable and the cardboard is cold and clammy... I feel at home and in peace...

Maybe like how the DL feels after he has banged a few of those sexy Buddhist Nuns!

So Harry, I reckon you don’t have to worry about him. You can file him under “Mostly Useless and Harmless”.

Yours respectfully,

Boxhead