Monash University Spends Big Money on Programs To Eradicate Fat Kids
It seems that some Doctors ain't got the balls to tell parents that their kid is a food guzzling fatty. According to one Monash University study, "Doctors find it difficult to raise the issue of childhood obesity with parents" even though parents know damn well that their fat kid isn't just eating them out of house and home but is probably going to have a stroke or heart attack before age 15.
The fat kid's parents want doctors to do something about their kid's blubber problem, but are afraid to stop feeding their kid fried snicker's bars and chilled bacon fat cubes. one mother who asked me to keep her identity secret said "my boys threatened to bite my left titty off if I cut off his supplty of chilled bacon fat cubes." Sugar coated bacon fat cubes are all the rage in South Western Australia, and are quite controversial because they are imported into Australia from an American company as a by producte of soap production.
To help overcome this stigma, researchers from the Department of General Practice are working on developing new names for fat kids. Some of the kinder names developed as a result of this multi-million dollar study, which Doctors would like to see people use are:
1. WBFU - Walking Bio-Fuel Unit
2. HMHM - Highly Marbled Human Meat
3. Waste Recyclators
4. Resource Depletion Units
5. Perpetual Food Processors
6. FOD - Future Oil Deposits
7. T-TAP - Two-Ticket Airline Passangers
Professors involved in this study said the number of fat children in Australia had risen dramatically over the last 15 years, with up to six per cent grotesquely fat.
"We want to talk to parents with children who have a weight problem about their views and needs, and the type of advice and support they have received" but we're too scared to tell folks to stop feeding the fat kid.
"Childhood obesity is an issue demanding urgent attention", and more expensive studies so we can solve the problem of figuring out how to tell people their kids are too fat and find ways to stop cramming sugar coated fat cubes down their throats. More funding is needed for these very important and usefull studies. The more researchers can learn about why fat kids are fat, the more money those researchers will have to buy sugar coated bacon fat cubes for their own demanding family members. (was that statement on the record?)
"While state and local governments are providing important funding for programs with a focus on prevention of obesity, this is only part of what is needed to help many families and children who are dealing with this chronic condition now." In other words, WE NEED MORE OF YOUR MONEY......NOW!!!!
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Nutrition and Health Correspondent: Ricardovitz
Cynical observer
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Anyone noticed Armenian Joe Hockey's huge fat-jowled face? He must leave a trail of lard dripping everywhere. Soon he will have to start selling real estate so he looks "normal" in his job. |
m and m fat camp
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Fat ass mother fucking kid needs his fat ass strapd down and starvd and have his ass beat hard |
My Mother's Elevator
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Stop all that processed food, give good and wholesome horse shit. That's what got me to where I am today. |
Norm Al Abama
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Now that you have mentioned it CO, I can see that the foetid pile of rotten lard in Federal Parliament is truly obese. A disgusting image of moral collapse indeed! At least it will qualify for a very fat pension. |
Dim Bulb Fuhrer
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Mince them up! Stick them in the freezer! We can feed the whole of Africa...probably cures AIDS too. I aint being mean...I'm being practical. |
Ricardovitz
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all of Africa fer? So's they can fornicate like rabbits and give thar world more jiggababies? |
Don't call me Dim
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What i was talking about was a one way cure for all that ails the world. I, like the rest of us, is sick of pandering to the needs of the loud mouthed majority. I, and I am sure you are the same, want the freedom to choose a life free of misery and woe. And I, indeed don't we all, want the simple things in life: A house A hearth A cunt A hole in the ground where we can rest for all eternity Why is that so difficult. I have subscribed to the 'Monocles' of this world but I thirst for more knowledge, more sensations, more experience. In truth I want her whole life, but that is something I don't think I can get. Sir, often I find the ways of the world troubling. I am not one for small talk. In the closed rooms many people are whispering to each other across the world wired looking for someone to give them what they want. Never what they need. As I approach my significant milestone I can tell you I am proud of my achievements and proud of my seed. Maybe you good sir, should reflect ont that... |
Ricarcdovitz
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We dern't need: 1. No mroe Jiggababies 2. No dern fool tellin me what I should want and what I should need 3. More people crowdnin up God's land. 4. More ugly people - who thar hell is fornicatin with all them ugly people anywhoo makin heaps of more ugly people. 5. Stupid Communists - The Good Lord done told me we need to git rid of all them Godless Communists. 6. Ayrab monkeys - well, them Ayrab monkeys really fall in catagory # 4 - they's as ugly as jiggered wolf-baby. 7. Liberals, progressives, queers, crybabies, whatever yer wanna call 'em - you know the type - I used to beat the tar out of them fer kicks and giggles as a young'n. It's how right thinkin folks learn to suppress wrong thinkin folks with mental brutality and physical torture. |
Ricardovitz
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'ts been too long, and I knowed that crybaby lard-ass ain't up to no good. Guess he ain't commin 'round cuz of the last bloody ass-whoopin I put on him. Probaly cain't even sit down to thar computer and type nothin his ass is so scarred up from his whippin. |
Internet Press Awards
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A consolation prize was awarded to this article and the rambling stream of unconsciousness it generated. Enjoy! |
