Xenox News

If it tain't band 'nuff that Australians done had all thar firearms took from 'em, the Aussie Gooberment Nazies banned lasers. Them Aussie goobeerment stooges dern't even trust thar own citizens with FLASHLIGHTS. Yep, that's all a laser pointer is - tain't nothin but a fancy flashlight. Can git 'em in the USofA fer 'bout $5 dollars.

Gooberment Australian Nazis (GAN) has officially banned high-powered laser pointers – specifically, classes three and four – classifying them as 'prohibited weapons' – the same category as firearms. They cut yer testicals off first, then they's lobotamizin yer brains bit by bit. WAKE UP AUSTRALIANS!! Anyone found carrying such a laser pointer in public without the Australian equivalent of a Firearms Certificate will be guilty of an offence punishable by up to fourteen years imprisonment. That's right, boys and girls - yer gooberment is sendin ya to work camps and prison fer nothin more than a battery opperated flashlight. And, y'all ain't doin a dern thing 'bout it neither.

Even if you've only got a $5 hunk-a-junk chink-made keychain laser, you'll still find yourself sent up to the gooberment work farm if you can't think of a good reason for having it.

One citizen overheard some police thrashing 'bout a citizen as such:

Hey, boy, what you got thar?

Tain't nothin but a led keychain flashlight.

That thar's contraband, boy - I'M GONNA JACK YOU UP! [KICK KICK, PUNCH, BUTT OF RIFLE TO THE HEAD]

Gadern kids and thar lasers - gonna be the ruin of this country. Yep - done took thar guns away, but them smartarses commin after us with high-powered chink-lasers.

My mummy bought it fer me fer school. Tain't causin no troubles sir.

YOU SHUT YER PIE HOLE, you laser anarchiest - we's gonna send you to thar work farm, jest south of Muslimnesia. Tain't no lasers fer you ta git hold of up thar.

Yer gooberment says the law was passed 'cuz "thar's a rash of 'attacks' on aircraft, with misguided individuals allegedly shining high-powered lasers at low-flying helicopters and planes in an attempt to blind the pilots." The New South Wales Premier Morris Iemma describes the most recent of these incidents, in which an air ambulance was targetted over Sydney, as “a gutless and cowardly act that could result in an horrific outcome,” while stating that “it only takes a fraction of a second for a pilot to become temporarily blinded” by such a device.

Although Western Australia has already banned the devices, the consequences of being caught with a class three laser on or about your person in a public place in New South Wales are a lot greater than just twelve months in Western Australia. These folks git gooberment lobotomies and is put in charge of cookin fer the Free Methamphetamine Fer Dissruptive Australians project......

But, that's another topic fer another day, boys and girls.