In a land that could not have existed because
nobody could be so stupid, there lived an emperor
who was a very ordinary national ruler, with one
exception: he cared much about his unearned
reputation as a honest and humble little man.
One day he heard from two brother swindlers from
the magical land of Mont Pelerin, named Neo and
Con who said they could make the finest suit of
honest-and-humble-reform from the most beautiful
cloth woven by fairies from magical GST and
Centrelink fibres. This cloth, they said, also had
the special property that it was invisible to
anyone who was either very stupid or not fit for
Neo and Con assured him that the reform magic
emanating from the suit would cover every mistake
and omission of the emperor's government, and he
would be able to strut around and bludge as was
his fond desire. He would be able to engage in
noble wars and neglect infrastructure, hospitals,
education, industry, housing, water scarcity and
all the boring stuff like that, and nobody would
notice everything becoming derelict ruins. Instead
they would only see "good economic management."
Being a bit nervous about whether he himself would
be able to see the honest-and-humble-reform cloth,
the emperor first sent two of his trusted men to
see it. Of course, neither would admit that they
could not see the cloth and so praised it. All the
townspeople had also heard of the cloth and they
were interested to learn how stupid their
When he was first dressed in the magical suit of
honest-and humble-reform, to the emperor's horror
he realized he could not see it! So now he could
never admit that he was unable to see what he was
wearing, afraid that the other people would think
that he was very stupid or unfit for being unable
to see the suit himself.
But even though the emperor was vain and stupid,
he was very cautious, and was in no rush to be
seen in his magical reform suit made by fairies
from GST and Centrelink fibres.
As the years went by, the household debt shared by
the people became massive and inflation was eating
into their meagre wages, and the rotting old
infrastructure and run-down services became more
and more obvious. But because the people had once
stupidly wanted him as their emperor he concluded
that the suit was working as promised.
After many years of only wearing the suit in
private, one sad day, Kim Beached-Whalezly his
able assistant died and was towed out to sea and
was sunk. So the emperor decided this was as good
a time as any, and became bold enough to be
dressed in the magical suit and be seen in public
for a procession through town.
Of course, all the shocked townspeople and the
media whores wildly praised the magnificent
magical suit of honest-and-humble-reform of the
emperor. Everyone was afraid to admit that they
could not see the suit at all. All they could see
was a very naked, stupid, and ugly little man.
But then a small child saw the stupid emperor's
withered old donger swinging loose, and his
swinging, desiccated testicles slapping his inner
thighs with each proud step he took with his
"Look, the silly old goose has nothing on!"
exclaimed the child. "I can see his horrible old
salami and his awful knackers hanging free!"
This was whispered from person to person until
everyone in the crowd was shouting that the
emperor had nothing on. The emperor heard it and
knew the game was over. He was found out at last
because only a child had the guts to tell the
truth in public for the first time.
The air-head media whores were slow to catch-on,
but finally had to admit they saw no suit either.
But the stupid emperor pretended he noticed
nothing and finished the procession wondering who
would sell him a magical man-of-steel suit and
a cape that would work next time.