Scientists have wondered why in places where serious masturbation occurs there is often a detectable increase in the room's level of ozone, and a recent study by Professor Williams of the Xenox Institute seems to have discovered why. It appears that the act of left hand wanking actually generates ozone. The Xenox Institute team found that the process of left hand wanking a penis often generates enough friction to create a static charge.
The distinctive smell of Ozone is often present when electrical discharges such as lightning take place (the actual mechanism involves the conversion of the normally dual Oxygen atom molecules into the triple Oxygen molecule Ozone) and it appears that the small electrical charges generated by left hand masturbation 'spark off' creating significant amounts of ozone.
One important spin off of this Ozone creation lies in the replenishment of the fast deteriorating Ozone layer that surrounds the planet. On a rough estimate, Professor Williams's team calculated that if twice as many wankers used the left hand the Ozone layer depletion could be slowed significantly.
Said the Professor: "Look if you gotta spank the monkey why not try the left hand and do a service to the environment as well as yourself."
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Comments (10)
Pedantic Pete
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This has absolutely no connection to the concocted global warming farce. And I always use my right hand. |
Bartholemew
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They say that his right hand didn't know what his left hand was doing; saving the world. |
Plastic Bertrand
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Oh the sacred seed of the sacred one! Scattered like dew drops (jew drops?) all over Galilee. Are there any pictures of some virgins being anointed with this most holy of liquids? I have searched the internet long and hard and still come up blank. |
curious, cremone
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More at the full moon? What if you pay someone to do it for you; perhaps a nice young Russian lass for instance. Will there be more Ozone? |
Assistant to Prof Williams
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We understand that the ozone generating qualities only occur during masturbation. You might be able to generate more ozone if the 'lass' uses the left hand on herself while you are generating your quota. |
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