GREAT BRITAIN FURIOUS AT GOLDEN FAILURES!

After 5 days competition the host nation is yet to win a gold medal. And the natives are getting restless. In fact fingers are now being pointed at that once infallible British Institution: The Royal Family.

Zara Phillips. Royal Horse Rider.

Over the years the British Olympic Equestrian team has always had a member of their inbred royalty in it. This Olympics it was Zara Phillips turn, granddaughter of some princess whose mother fucked a Greek. However it seems Zara’s riding experience was limited to a bit of going horsey with the instructor back when she was at Higginbottom Grammer School for Ladies. Turns out she fucked up the only chance Britain has had for a gold medal so far by taking a tumble at the first jump.

What a right royal fuckwit!

Well that was enough for the peasants. Promised gold, gold, gold! they are beginning to gather out the front of Buckingham Palace and are baying for blood.

Said one resident of Cockney Street: “After seeing her ride I wanna infect that stuck up royal tart with some exotic tropical worm like schistosomiasis. Me and the Missus stayed up all night hoping for a gold medal and she goes and fucks it at the very first jump!”

Behind the Palace fence supporters for the Royal Family are also assembling and having their say. Staunch Royalist David Flint OBE told us:“Those hoi polloi are lucky they are even allowed in the same city of the Olympics. They should get down on their knees and thank God that they have such a magnificent Royal Family ruling them."

"The Queen? Yeh I'd fuck her."

In other events the Chinks won more gold, the Yanks kept on cheating, and some badminton players wanted to lose.

After an amazing opening ceremony that saw Queen Liz bent over her seat and rogered by James Bond for the World’s gratification, competition finally has got under way in the London Olympics. And XenoxNews.com will be on the spot to report on everything that is happening at this ‘all you can eat’ feast of sport…

Queen Liz always seems to get horny for the Olympics. Here she is flashing the gash on the way to opening the Olympics in Melbourne 1956.

DAY 1

All Australia jumped for joy when the Aussie girls 4x100m swimming relay won gold, gold, gold! in the pool. However the win was sullied by claims from the Dutch team that the fatness of the Aussie girls gave them an unfair advantage.

Said Ditte Van Dykegirl: “Every time one of those fatty boombas jumped into the pool it created an almighty splash and the waves stopped our girls getting any pace”

The Aussie girls responded with that time honored Aussie epithet: “Youre just jealous!”

American superstar and bong huffer Michael Phelps also failed in his first outing, probably due to the poor quality green in London. And amazingly a Chinese male swimmer won a gold medal. What is this world coming to?

The crowd goes wild at the Horse Fornication trials on the first day of Equestrian events.

In other sports the cream of Western Aristocracy is gathering for the Equestrian competition. First up is the Horse Fornication event with the Romney family of the USA certain to put up a big show.

Aussie hopeful Debbie Pyne-Upperclasstwit said she was going to be pumping her best: “I'll be doing it for our boy Tony and not that dreadful Julia woman.”

At finally at the track qualifying also took place for Feaces Flinging and Bending over for the Boss; events which seasoned observers say Australia should continue its fine tradition in at this Olympics.

Compulsory wear for the “Bending over for the Boss” event.

So stay tuned to XenoxNews.com for all the latest Olympic news!

The Australian Olympic team has been hit by accusations of lazy overweight athletes that appear to have been fed too long on the government teat. Shocking picture of pudgy swimmers and paunchy sprinters has shocked the nation. Many are demanding immediate answers; and if there is no gold, gold, gold! this year expect a large backlash against Australia’s pampered Olympians.

For many years Australia’s Olympic team has had a special place in Aussie hearts. A special golden place, not a bronze or silver place. And as such, the team has received more Government funding than the bloody East German Olympic squad ever did. But now the taxpaying public is shocked to see that some of their little Aussie battlers are in fact big fat lazy pigs. In fact, many are regarding them as no more than overfed public servants.

Scene from Beijing Olympics. You can bet this minx is definitely not an Aussie Swimmer!

We tried to get a comment from a team official but it seems he was at the welcome banquet for the athletes. You would think these pricks, whose whole income is derived from us hard working taxpayers, would have the courtesy to tell us why we should support this team of fatties and frumpies! They better realize that an Aussie doesn’t have inexhaustible patience, and if we don’t score at least 20 gold then they can fucking pack their bags and get out of that Public Servant Paradise, the Australian Institute of Sport, before we fucking raze it to the ground in a fit of fury!

I can’t wait for Speedo boy Tony Abbott to take over. I'm sure he'll do something about this.

Norman May's Brother.

Brisbane

Looks like two of yer Olympic swimmer boys who done posted pictures on Facebook of themselves sport'n guns 'n whatnot have been ordered to take them down by the Australia's Secret Gun Police.  The ASGP director, who dern't wanna be named, threatened ta take custody of the gun-totin swimmer's families back in Australia 'n lock 'em up if they dern't take them gun-totin pictures down.  Jest like the Chinks do ta any freedom-lovin, God-fearin' slant-eyed citizen of thars.

Those Olympic swimmer boys, 'ncludin Nick D'Arcy, posed fer pictures in Santa Clara, California (only the gun-grabbin'est state 'bout as evil as the ASGP itself), with two pistols standing next to Kenrick Monk who is holdin two shotguns cross his chest. The swimmers were training in the U.S. ahead of the Olympics.

The ASGP said in a statement that "the posting of Aussie boys with guns on Facebook, Twitter or any social media platform is a crime punishable by incarceration of the perp or even the perp's family, if Australia can't get the perps."

Feared fer thar lives, 'n the lives of thar families, them Olympic swimmer boys, took immediate action to delete thar gun photos from  the swimmers' Facebook pages and Twitter accounts contained the photo.

Why do swimmers need guns? One word - Pirates.

"It was all just meant to be a bit of fun, the photos were just a bit of fun," D'Arcy done said on gettin back to to Australia.  He was ordered to say "If anyone's been offended I deeply apologize. It was never the intent; it was never supposed to be offensive."  The ASGP had no comment on alleged threats made to them swimmer boys and thar families.

Dozens of fans and the American pro-freedom communities have posted on Monk's public Facebook page saying they support the athletes and that ASGP had gone too far this time.

They dumped him into the sea. Who knows if he is dead or not. Another reason why swimmers need guns.

Y'ALL AUSTRALIANS NEED TO GET YOUR GUNS BACK.......GET YOUR TESTICALS BACK.......STAND UP FOR FREEDOM.......AND TELL YER SECRET GUN POLICE YOU DERN'T NEED NO WELFARE CHECK, JEST YER AK-47's BACK!!!


Ricardovitz - Freedom Fight'n Correspondent

Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.

Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q: You are trapped in a room with a crocodile, a tiger and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the Collingwood fan – twice!