Xenox News

I have been holed up at the National Security Australia 2007 conference for the last two days. It is where the cognoscenti of Australia’s security agencies have hobnobbed with leaders of commerce and terrorism experts from around the world.

All have agreed that they need a shitload more money from the Government before we would be safe again.

Here is some of the crap they have been making up… One idiot from the Department of Transport said that they estimated that if the terrorists blew up a passenger jet in Australia the country would slide into recession, with 2% cut off the GDP and 150 000 jobs lost.

That’s right. One plane would destroy Australia’s economy.

Of course he couldn’t release the full report because of “security” reasons.

How do these fuckwits get paid employment?


Next up was Australia’s top cop Mick Keelty.
Mick, a no nonsense man who likes to dress up in funny police costumes, has presided over the deployment of Aussie coppers all over the world. From Afghanistan to the Solomon Islands, Australia’s finest have been doing their bit for international civil order.

He has demonstrated all the qualities that the present Federal Government expects of its top Public Servants: unquestioning obedience.

Today he told us that the Feds were working with the Army (!) and setting up bogus jihadi websites to attract terrorists.

What? Like xenoxnews.com?

Hey I wonder how long has the fucking Army and Federal Police been working in cahoots?

He then went on to say that they were working closely with our COW allies, the British and Americans, and "walking the beat" on the internet. I only hope they are wearing those silly English Bobby helmets while they're doing it.

Keep up the good work Mick, we all appreciate it very much.

The ASIO chief was also there; blabbering on how the terrorist threat level in Australia hadn’t changed since 2001 but that it, gulp, might change this year.

Well I’ll be. I can make predictions like that too. I guess that a terrorist bomb might go off in Australia this year. Or it might not.

Jesus fucking Christ how many years at uni did it take for him to figure that one out? Another grade one dimwit in charge of our security.

Next he refused to tell how many radical terrorists ASIO thinks there are in Australia.
Go on ya lazy prick have a guess. Shit, guessing is what you lot do most of the time so it shouldn’t be too difficult.
Aww, I reckon about 223. What do you reckon?

What about this dimwit:
NSW Premier Iemma has promised to text our mobile phones with an "early warning" alert if there was an immediate terrorist threat. Shit that will be useful. Imagine how many 9/11s that’ll save us from!

And like most of the sniveling cowards in Parliaments we have in this country he said that NSW would get more police if he was elected again.

What for? To personally escort more Yank leaders around Sydney?

Christ don’t we have enough police as it is? At this conference we have learned that they are already snooping into everything we do. You can’t fuck, fart, or wank without these arseholes sticking their noses in where it shouldn’t be. They don’t need anymore help.

If they really want to reduce the terrorist threat to us all I’ve got a good way to do it.

Stop making up shit and invading countries for no good reason.