OLYMPIC BUDGET BLOWOUT BATTERS LONDON!

Created: Wednesday, 15 August 2012 Written by Sports Correspondent

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Wow what a party! Now for the hangover...

 

Londoners awoke from Sunday’s Olympics Closing Ceremony with not only that coy look of “who did I fuck last night” but also a multi-billion dollar debt. After the accountants did the sums it seems that staging the Olympic Games has proved to be more than this impoverished nation can afford; and now there are fears the UK may go the way of Greece.

 

London Mayor Boris Johnson said he was shocked to find that the kitty for running the Olympics had been so overspent. An exasperated Boris said: “I thought it would only be a few quid more than running the marathon!”

 

Now that the size of the financial losses has been revealed the UK Government has begun scratching around to find ways to pay for it. Unfortunately they can expect no help from the Royal Family. An indignant Queen Liz told a close confidante that she had done more than enough for the country during the games:

“One of my brood won a medal for these beastly commoners; what more could they possibly want?”

 

Queen Liz flashes the Gash

"There is no way my Husband and I are going to pay for those Olympic Games!"

 

Wife of the Heir to the throne, the Duchess of Cambridge, was even more forthright. She told a friend “Wasn’t it dreadful enough that me and Willie had to sit next to these people? Now they want me to stump up some money to pay for their silly games! They can forget it.”

Duchess of Cambridge

The Duchess of Cambridge hears the news that she might have to bear the brunt of UK cost cutting to pay for the Olympics.

 

Other ideas to raise money to pay for the Games include leasing London landmarks to foreigners. This could include icons such as Big Ben and the London Eye.

 

london_eye

For Sale? The London Eye.

Athletes returning home to Australia were incredulous to hear that the games lost so much money. Said one Aussie cyclist: “The Olympic Village was a disgrace; I had cockroaches in my kitchen and my bed was as hard as a rock. It was buillt to the typical shoddy standards of British craftmanship. What did those Pommy pricks spend the money on? It certainly wasn't our accommodation.”

Others spoke of the largesse that was lavished on Team GB: “Interesting to note that Team GB had their own quarters far from the slum they made us stay in; maybe that’s where they blew all their money.”

 

Financial analysts say it is hard to see how Great Britain will recover. Already in a deep recession thanks to its overspending Socialist Government ways, many believe the London Olympic budget blowout could be the last shot that sinks HMS Britannia. Said one financial guru based in London: “I reckon the UK will be like Greece without the sun in a few years. Most of my mates in The City are about to do a runner and I reckon I’ll join them!”

 

pommy_phonebox

Not many companies have expressed interest in buying England's rundown and ancient telecomunnications sector.

 

At the moment PM Cameron had no comment on the matter but it seems certain he and his poverty stricken nation face a tough future.