Gunfart at the not-so-OK corral

Created: Friday, 25 October 2002 Written by agitprop
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SADDLE UP PARDNER! IF'N YOU CAN AFFORD IT!
Well, folks, Presidunce George Bullshit has up and signed into law a $355.1 billion “defence” spending bill that hands the U.S. military its biggest splurge in two decades as the glorious USA continues to defy world opinion, international law and U.N. convention, and prepares to invade Iraq. The Pretzel Prez reckons the $37.5 billion increase will help develop new weapon systems and give the military a 4.1 pay raise. Yeah, I’d want a fatter pay packet if were about to get my balls shot off too!

And gosh shucks m’am, he also signed a $10.5 billion military construction bill that will fund new and upgraded military installations and military housing. How much is a canvas tent anyway?

The 11.8 percent increase in “defence” spending is the biggest since the roughly 17 percent increases in 1981 and 1982, the first years of the massive military build-up under former addled Presidunce Ronny (“Where am I”) Raygun.

Reading his lines with some difficulty because of all them big words, Presidunce Bullshit said the military bill would spend nearly $72 billion on weapon procurement, an $11 billion increase; would devote $58 billion to research and development (testing to begin soon in Iraq); and would boost funds for operations and maintenance by more than $5 billion. Hey, Clem, how many zeros IS that?

Well now, here’s some of the nitty gritty, you-all:

$7.4 billion to develop a national missile “defence” system, which may or may not work;

$9 billion for shipbuilding -- $842 million more than Bush sought -- including $2.3 billion for two AEGIS destroyers, $1.5 billion for a Virginia-class attack submarine and $1.3 billion for cost overruns on ships funded by earlier budgets;

Funding for a 4.1 percent pay raise for military personnel;

$3.3 billion to buy 15 C-17 transport aircraft, $3.2 billion for 46 Navy F/A-18 fighters, $4 billion for 23 F-22 fighters and $3.5 billion for continued development of the multi-service Joint Strike Fighter.

Well, gosh durn, folks, them’s fartin’ words!

It's how be whupped those blamed Russkies: we out-spent them to death!

If I were North Korea, I’d sure as shit hang on to their nuclear weapons development program: they gonna need it!