ALL BETS ARE OFF: KERRY DEAD AGAIN

Politicians from both sides of the Australian political fence are breathing sighs of relief at the news that the country's wealthiest man, media mogul Kerry Pecker has dropped dead again, this time aged 68. Hell is about to join the irrascible Pecker's vast empire in a hostile takeover bid even Satan himself with all his princes cannot fight off.

Diverse imps, demons and other hellish creatures are reportedly fleeing the bowels of Hell in panic and fear.

"There goes my long service leave", one fallen angel is quoted as saying.

Earthly employees of the ferocious mogul's empire are clutching their Christmas bonus baskets of fruits, vegetables and canned goodss and quaking in fear.

"With Hell under the Pecker conglomerate's umbrella," one economic expert says "only Jehovah's heavenly bastion remains to be conquered."

The Pearly Gates are reportedly deadlocked. A sign has been posted which reads "Closed until further notice". No comment has been reported from St Peter but dozens of trucks have been seen gathering to collect mountains of shredded documentation.

Xenox News Addendum: politicians from both sides of the Australian political fence are in fact all on the same side... There IS no opposition party in Australia.

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