Drone Attack On The Kremlin - The Real Story

After thorough surveillance and analysis both US and Russian experts have determined that the recent attacks on the Kremlin were not conducted by drones but by vehicles of unknown origin, aka UFOs!

An artists rendition of the device that struck the Kremlin.

Metallic debris collected by the Russian's (believed to be the remains of the 2nd 'drone' which was shot down by the automatic anti-missile defence system) was analysed by scientists, who describe the material as "low grade space junk". The opinion of experts from both sides is that the event suggests hostile aliens are keen to provoke a proxy nuclear World War III. These terrorist aliens seem to have come to the conclusion that it will take very little to set off a chain of events where more wars can be triggered simply by sending down a few clapped out space scooters toward strategic locations on Earth.

At very low cost, and with no danger to themselves, it now appears that a guerilla alien task force has been commissioned with the intent to put an end to Humanity by setting off a series of localised confrontations that they hope will cascade into a nuclear nightmare. Any suspicion of extra terrestrial involvement is obfuscated by the proxy war already in progress.

The aliens are probably chuckling among themselves now, sipping the equivalent of Intergalactic Gargle Blasters, while moon bathing on the deck of their space transport surfing the A ring of Saturn.

The theory is strengthened by a recent NASA intercept of electronic space radio chatter which was decoded by one cryptographic decryption expert as reading something along the lines of "Hey my three headed darling. We were instructed to set up our HQ on Mars but it is a lot prettier here. Can't wait to see yous (sic) after these fuckwits blow themselves to smithereens".

Soon to be destroyed. Our home.

Offend-o-Meter: 5 / 5