Hello. I'm a man with a full head of hair and therefore a economic rationalist you can trust. And I contain not one drop of Semite blood. I know Melbourne has been in the doldrums for a while, there is no doubt about that. It is in such a state that only really radical solutions will work, and boy have I got a doozey for you. Deregulation of the financial, retail and labour markets are all well and good, but to get this tart up and re-productive again we need total legal and moral de-regulation!

It'll be a level playing field with no rules and everyone for themselves. Now what does this entail? Well, the highly regarded pointy head John Stone was quite correct when he stated that "..on occasions, abandonment of legal and ethical values can lead to an economy that knows no bounds.." And this is exactly what I've got planned for Melbun. First, the abandonment of legal impediments could allow the world's two largest businesses to be based in Spring St; the drug and arms industries. Fuck! I'm talking about Melbourne becoming a free trade capital par excellence.

Talk about double digit growth, we'll have GDP coming out of our arses!

Imagine the funds that could be channelled into revitalising the inner city areas if worldwide Cocaine dealing and smuggling was based here. And our ideal position near the fertile South East Asia poppy fields could make us the number 1 heroin dealers in the world, stamping out the Mafia. Nuclear weapons could be bought and sold, and futures markets could be set up for any sort of commodity; from the trade in human parts to the latest drugs for AIDS treatment.

Shit! How's this for micro-economic reform? We'll all be fucking millionares!

And jobs? Well there will be so many I'm sure that we'll satisfy even the dole queues of Australia.
So lets get rid of this namby-pamby socialist heaven we live in and get to the coalface of reality! Fuck the laws. And let's burn every fucking born again christian! And for fuck's sake let's make some money!