Created: Sunday, 23 April 2006 Written by Royal ReporterCelebrations for Queen Elizabeth’s 80th birthday were shaken today when the Queen announced that she wanted to come out of the closet.
“My husband and I haven’t fucked for over 30 years,” the Royal declared from her Buckingham Palace balcony to the thousands gathered at her official birthday celebrations,
“In fact I can’t stand the thought of his Greek sausage being anywhere near my Royal vagina.”
As her subjects stood with their mouths agape, Queen Liz went on to say that she wanted the world to know she was a lipstick lesbian who liked nothing more than enjoying the pleasures of a sensual women.
“Having reached the ripe old age of 80 I thought it was only fitting that I should let my subjects know that I can no longer keep up the charade of my marriage,” said Queen Liz the Licker,
“So from now on I am moving in with my long time lover Liza Minelli.”
Sights like this used to get Monarchist David Flint in a right-royal tizz!
XenoxNews sought comment from Australia’s 70 year old PM John Howard, a staunch monarchist, but a spokesman told us he was still in shock from the Queen’s announcement.