My Dick: I'VE PUNISHED IT ENOUGH!

Squeezed it dry. On an Ice bender I rubbed it bleeding raw on the bed post.
Stuck a straw down its eye to suck the last bit of semen-giving goodness.

My goodness! Ironed it flat and rolled it up and put it into my pocket.

Don't worry baby; it is still functional. All you have to do is gently rub it. Like the genie it will arise and grant all your wishes. An ancient totem pole pointing straight to heaven.

I stuck it in Brittney's warm wet fanny, and she ate it with her devil mouth.




I've shoved it up so many wrong orifices it has a permanent brown stain. The pirate lads tattooed a jolly roger on me scrotum and used a microscope to ogle lazy leukocytes traveling in its veins.

Even now my hand drops down to fondle my dick for security. In Ancient Egypt they took the dead Pharaoh’s tossil and broke it off and shoved it into his gob for the journey into the after life - it brought life maybe it could conquer death?

Squeezing it now it spits out a story for me to read: "Stop it now!"

Article Offend-o-Meter Ranking

Vote 1 Vote 2 Vote 3 Vote 4 Vote 5