Coffin Masturbation Epidemic

Created: Wednesday, 14 March 2007 Written by DOCTOR_BENWAY
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John and George spread the virus!
[ALERT!][ALERT!][ALERT!][ALERT!] As a famous clinician and medical scientist,
I feel it my duty to urge the sternest measures
be taken to quarantine those bodies infected
by the coffin-masturbation virus. Having seen
the first cases of this disease, I can tell you
that it is not a pretty sight! Gripped by fever,
the victims spray everything around with virus
infested semen. At the Recreational Psychiatry
unit I have issued instructions that all coffins
must have their lids chained securely.

All that is slowing the spread of this virus now
is that the infected bodies must carry a coffin
with them, but if they find some styrofoam coffins
we are in big trouble!

God help us all if John and George are not captured
very soon. I fear the worst is upon us!