In Praise of Self-Medication

Created: Friday, 29 June 2007 Written by No longer Ill
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Dear Dr,

I am afflicted by a range of ailments.

My nose runs, my feet smell, one of my knackers feels like it has a stone in it.
And, of course, my back aches.

I have taken a new course in my treatment...

The imbibing of sacred herbs and grains. The distillation of sacred spirits from vegetables. The secretions of nubile virgin cunts.

For instance, I took a leaf of the coca plant (Erythroxylum coca). Ground it, and a few drops of HCl, with a pestle and a mortar. A fine white residue emerged which I mixed with baking soda. I then sprinkled this on the bong which had a bit of Bengali hash and tobacco.

Voila.

My nose twinkles! My head is aflame with the wildest of imaginations!
My pain sir, it has gone away.

The next day I took a potato and gave it to an old Russian lady who lives next door. She returned the next week with a bottle of clear liquid. It was an old peasant remedy.

She told me: "Place it in the freezer. One large glass before each meal, or whenever you feel you need it."

My point is Dr that I no longer have faith in your prescriptions and quackery. I know you have sold your soul to the corporate devils that own the commercial Pharmacopiea. From now on I will self-medicate, and may the devil take you.

Yours sincerely,

IP Freely