We slack-jawed, wide-eyed, fear-addled Aussie maggots take time out from our boozing, gambling and wife-bashing to thank you for sucking us into this endless war-on-whatever-you-want, whenever-and-wherever-you-want-it with your impressive array of misinformation, threats, insults and lies. We just can’t get enough of it!
Shock and awe? We LOVE it! Isn't that why you call us 'Awe-strillians"?
And because of our unique “special relationship” with your benevolent, munificent, magnanimous, mighty, god-almighty, neo-CON, evangelist, religious fundamentalist, extremist superpower, we are only too happy to follow you deeper into that great big bloody shit-hole you have dug in Iraq.
Hell, we opened wide for Churchill, we did with gusto for Johnson, so quite naturally we’ll suck and swallow for your unfortunately retarded colleague George (And what’s wrong with a little oral/rectal engagement between consenting adults, eh, pard’?)
We will back you and your dim little offsider to the hilt - to the HILT, we pledge, by the Lord Jesus Christ Almighty Hallalujia Jockstrap Stain - throughout every war crime, every rape, murder, mass murder, theft, vandalism, human rights violation, degradatian and corporate rackateering, for we worship the ANZUS Treaty as if it actually means something. Waltzing Matilda straight into the International Criminal Court!
On your behalf, Dick, mate, cobber, we would honestly love to send more Diggers into Iraq’s blood-soaked quicksand, but we genuinely feel that as long as our patriotic, honest and sincere Prime Minister keeps quacking, barking and braying on cue as per your instructions, then a few hundred Aussies scattered about the place should suffice. We realise this is a historic clash of civilisations threatening our way of life and our very existence, but we wouldn’t want any of our blokes actually hurt .
And three cheers for our British mates who so bravely withstood all your regrettable “friendly fire”! How were your drug-addled pilots supposed to know that at those altitudes even your hi-tech gear would confuse the colour code for allied convoys with that of enemy camel trains? We understand the Brits are not really withdrawing from this escalating cock-up, they’re only pulling out. And it has nothing to do with the body count, right Dick? So, on with the horror show!
Go to jail, Dick.
Go directly to jail.
Do not pass GO.
Do NOT collect $200 (or whatever your current Halliburton dividend may be).
And what’s more, from all of us Aussies – those mainly sane, civilised Aussies - we most sincerely wish you would PISS OFF YOU DERANGED, BLOODY-FISTED OLD BASTARD AND NEVER RETURN!
Have a pleasant flight home, Dick-Head. We pray your plane is hijacked.