Watching your Bowel Movements? We have news for you!

Created: Tuesday, 20 May 2014 Written by XenoxNews Science Desk
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NEW HEALTH FOOD PRODUCT- TIME STAMPED CORN!

 

corn-kernels

 

We have long sung the praises of corn. And now with this new Xenox Institute breakthrough you too can enjoy it's wondrous health benefits.

 

In the past a man had to rely on the unsoundness of his memory to determine the transit time from the mouth to the anus (Ref 1). But now the Xenox Institute has developed a new and easy means of ensuring that you can keep a check on your bowels regularity.

And what is this amazing breakthrough?

single corn

Time stamped corn.

 

The boffins at the Xenox Institute have made it possible so that each kernel of corn you eat will be labeled with the date and time of its consumption.

 

It truly is fucking amazing!

 

How did they do it? Well they took the Nobel Prize winning technology of the Green Fluorescent Protein, added a dash of some good old Aussie know how, and genetically modified the corn so that when your saliva mixes with each kernal a Green Fluorescent Protein time stamp will appear on it. So in the future all you need to do to check your digestive transit time is to eat the corn, and then when you next take a crap, shine a fluoro lamp in the pan and look for the glowing green time stamp on the corn kernals in your turd.

No more guessing and getting shitty fingers from squeezing the poo and looking for the corn!

 

 

The team at the Xenox Institute have produced another astounding invention for all of mankind. Like many of their previous discoveries this one is bound to put a smile on your dial and a tiger in your tank, as you will now have no more worries about maintaining a healthy digestive tract.