Stress Relief

Created: Monday, 22 October 2007 Written by YUGO

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Today is my birthday. I went to work in an office for the day. I must confess even after all this time I still like computers.... Feeling no strain at all I went to the bog for a few minutes of peace. A few weeks ago I had a shit that was a bloody mess. Scared the crap out of me that did! Pardon the pun. I spent a few hours in the Austin emergency ward that night until a wonderful Canadian doctor stuck her finger up my arse and told me there was no immediate danger. Must have been the half dozen oat cakes I ate a day earlier. "Pilates was invented by a boxer", she told me. She made an impression.

Anyway back to today's visitation in the lav. Almost immediately on placing my posterior on the porcelain I experienced something similar to explosive decompression. I evacuated so rapidly that a partial vacuum must have formed in my intestines as my stomach felt like it imploded. Astounding! Here I was expecting a quiet few minutes of solitude in the middle of morning and I get a memorable experience like this. If only I had my phone! I would have taken a photo of the bowl to post here. The violence of the ejection was well represented by the splatter right around the bowl. It wasn't a runny or particularly liquid expulsion. The majority of a rather solid stool had stuck to the bowl like some ancient volcanic geology. Igneous? Metamorphic? Certainly not sedimentary. It wasn't till I got stuck in with the brush that I realised how solid it was. Immediately I thought of Xenox News and started outlining this article in my head. As I scrubbed the bowl while water good enough to drink flushed over it I was reminded of Ricardovitz, Harry Mann and Capt'n Australia. Not to mention Kevin Rudd and John Howard! I'm sure this story will fit in with rest of the crapola here.