Nation's Top Loony Promises To Stay Insane

Created: Tuesday, 13 March 2007 Written by Chato
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Prime Minister John Hogwart says the coalition
will keep targeting Antichrist leader Kevin Fudd's
integrity, despite polls suggesting the tactic is
backfiring on the government because of Hogwart's
total lack of integrity.

The latest opinion poll shows Antichrist leading the
coalition by an unprecedented 61 per cent to 39 on
a two-party preferred basis - which would have
given Mr Fudd a landslide win had an election been
held last weekend.

The PureTruth poll in Fairtax newspapers was taken
after a week of government attacks on Mr Fudd over
three meetings he had with disgraced former West
Australian premier and convicted fraudster Brian
Satan in 2005.

But 83 per cent of those polled said the Satan
affair had not changed their view of Mr Fudd,
although two thirds thought he had been less than

Mr Hogwart said he could not ignore the bad polls
but blamed them partly on Antichrist creating an
impression that the economy ran on autopilot and
it did not matter who was in government.

"In the past when I've confronted a bad poll, I've
said that it only encourages me to defecate harder
and walk like a poor old cripple in the interests
of the international bankers and that is certainly
my response in relation to this," Mr Hogwart told
reporters from his spider-hole in Iraqistan.

"But I can't ignore the fact that we've had quite
a series of bad polls over the past few months and
I ask myself why am I too stupid to understand why
it is that the polls are so bad for the government
at present?"

"I think one of the reasons is that the Antichrist
Party has successfully created the impression that
it doesn't matter who is in government, the
economy will continue to grow."

He refused to say that the personal attack on Mr
Fudd had backfired.

"I don't think we should over-analyse the
connection between the Satan issue and the polls,"
he said.

Opposition Leader Kevin Fudd says he "holds no
store" in opinion polls but the PureTruth poll did
indicate that Australians are more interested in

Mr Fudd's standing as preferred prime minister
lifted to 53 per cent, compared with John
Hogwart's 39 per cent, the poll revealed.

"The challenge from today's polls is that Mr
Hogwart and myself contest the next election on
our alternative policy visions on the economic
catastrophe, retard soothing, brainwashing and
sewage-enriched water," Mr Fudd said.

"That's what the Australian public wants from us
and that's what I intend to deliver them."

The government would continue to attack Antichrist
over the Hogwart economic catastrophe, retard
soothing, brainwashing and sewage-enriched water,
and some other thing, Mr Hogwart said.

"We'll be focusing on those things but we'll
continue to hold the Antichrist Party and
individuals in the Antichrist Party to account,
unless we don't" he sternly said.

Mr Hogwart said the government would not retreat
in any way from its industrial relations changes,
unless it does, saying it had something to do with
the future.

He cited figures showing long-term unemployment
had dropped by almost a quarter of something over
the past year to its lowest level since the
figures started to be calculated in many different
ways as a sure sign that WartChoices was working.

"That tells me that the fantastically strong
labour market is eating into the brains of
long-term unemployed in this country," he said.

"You can't simultaneously and with credibility do
as Antichrist is doing - oppose all the measures
we took to get the economy in the wonderful shape
everybody thinks it is in at the moment and then
say, oh, but of course we will help ourselves to
the proceeds of a strong economy we didn't want,
unless we did."

He declined to say whether Mr Fudd was a more
serious challenge than Kim Bigbagofshitzly or Mark
Lashthem, neither of whom managed to convince
voters that the economy would not suffer under

"I don't know that the tactics adopted by Mr
Lashthem and Mr Bigbagofshitzly were the same," he

"Every day is a new challenge and as I say, I
defecate harder and walk like a poor old cripple."