A 75 point plan for Australia –Theirs vs Mine

Created: Tuesday, 17 December 2013 Written by Herr Fuckeduncle

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Christ what a miserable bunch of arseholes are running Australia now. It feels like we are living in a nightmare dreamt up by the dickheads that listen to Alan Jones. Each day brings some new disaster from these clowns.

It is so bad that I’ve never felt less hornier in my life!

 

fucknuckle

 

Only known picture of former Australian PM Herr Fucknuckle

 

PM Abbott looks like he is following the 75 point plan of the Institute of Public Affairs. Well forget those sexless dimwits Tony, remember I was PM once too. And I also have a 75 point plan to get the horn back into Australia again. These great ideas are fresh from my thinktank; the Institute of Pubic Affairs if you get my drift ;)

So please Compare and Contrast – Herr Fucknuckle’s Sexy 75 point plan with The IPA's dull and boring 75 point plan:

 

1 Repeal the carbon tax, and don't replace it. It will be one thing to remove the burden of the carbon tax from the Australian economy. But if it is just replaced by another costly scheme, most of the benefits will be undone.

1 Repeal the GST on tissues

2 Abolish the Department of Climate Change

2 Create the Department of Condom Control. Cause if you are like me you can never find one big enough to fit ;)

3 Abolish the Clean Energy Fund

3 Free wet wipes for cleaning those erogenous zones that need cleaning

4 Repeal Section 18C of the Racial Discrimination Act

4 Repeal the ban on Gay Marriage.

5 Abandon Australia's bid for a seat on the United Nations Security Council

5 Begin campaign for a United Nations of Sex. Love can bring us together

6 Repeal the renewable energy target

6 Save your energy for more sex

7 Return income taxing powers to the states

7 Why would you do that?

8 Abolish the Commonwealth Grants Commission

8 More money for sex studies. Or just pay me and I will do the research for you

9 Abolish the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission

9 Abolish all fuddy-duddy wowser groups like 3AW and the Catholic Church

10 Withdraw from the Kyoto Protocol

10 New protocols on the withdrawl method to be written.

11 Introduce fee competition to Australian universities

11 Introduce no fees for Australian Universities

12 Repeal the National Curriculum

12 Free circumcision repair to those that want it

13 Introduce competing private secondary school curriculums

13 Don't educate your children, send them to a Steiner school instead

14 Abolish the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA)

14 Abolish the Australian Stock Exchange.

15 Eliminate laws that require radio and television broadcasters to be 'balanced'

15 Try balancing things on erect part of your bodies.

16 Abolish television spectrum licensing and devolve spectrum management to the common law

16 No TV license allowed for anyone in the Murdoch and Packer families

17 End local content requirements for Australian television stations

17 Make your own ‘amateur’ TV and post it on the internet. If you do it right I am sure it will have an audience ;)

18 Eliminate family tax benefits

18 Let’s have more families like the sexy Manson family

19 Abandon the paid parental leave scheme

19 Increase Gina Rinehart’s tax so we can have free pocket money for all the kids

20 Means-test Medicare

20 Contraception and condoms free under Medicare

21 End all corporate welfare and subsidies by closing the Department of Industry, Innovation, Science, Research and Tertiary Education

21 Tax fat Clive Palmer until he screams and leaves the country.

22 Introduce voluntary voting

22 Introduce mandatory Brothel service for 'free-market' think tank donors

23 End mandatory disclosures on political donations

23 Mandatory disclosure of anyone who would be stupid enough to give money to the IPA

24 End media blackout in final days of election campaigns

24 No political party advertising allowed during election campaigns. Just show re-runs of Emmanuelle

25 End public funding to political parties

25 Start funding of public sex parties

26 Remove anti-dumping laws

26 If you’re into felching that’s none of our business

27 Eliminate media ownership restrictions

27 Allow people to make their own TV stations. Preferably broadcasting their own bedroom anitics

28 Abolish the Foreign Investment Review Board

28 Compulsory use of saffron as a herb in all dishes.

29 Eliminate the National Preventative Health Agency

29 Have a National Safe Sex Day with compulsory condom application demonstrations in schools

30 Cease subsidising the car industry

30 We all can drive naked in our solar powered cars!

31 Formalise a one-in, one-out approach to regulatory reduction

31 Look if you want to go in and out you can do it any way you want ;)

32 Rule out federal funding for 2018 Commonwealth Games

32 Only fund 2018 Commonwealth Games if nude gymnastics included in program.

33 Deregulate the parallel importation of books

33 Re-regulate funding of conservative pro free-market think tanks so that anyone who donates to them is identified with a purple tattoo on their forehead.

34 End preferences for Industry Super Funds in workplace relations laws

34 Compulsory union membership for thinktank workers

35 Legislate a cap on government spending and tax as a percentage of GDP

35 Spend what we want and tax the rich more if we need more money.

36 Legislate a balanced budget amendment which strictly limits the size of budget deficits and the period the federal government can be in deficit

36 Increase pensions and the dole, and tax the rich more

37 Force government agencies to put all of their spending online in a searchable database

37 Force conservative pro 'free-market' think tanks to put nude pictures of their staff online.

38 Repeal plain packaging for cigarettes and rule it out for all other products, including alcohol and fast food

38 Free dope. Free acid. And free love!

39 Reintroduce voluntary student unionism at universities

39 Volunteer for the Navy, I am sure you will love it!

40 Introduce a voucher scheme for secondary schools

40 Brothel tester vouchers for the disabled.

41 Repeal the alcopops tax

41 No more nanny state. Nannies and au pairs banned for the rich.

42 Introduce a special economic zone in the north of Australia including:
a) Lower personal income tax for residents
b) Significantly expanded 457 Visa programs for workers
c) Encourage the construction of dams

42 Swinger zones.

  1. Enforce minimal clothes restrictions
  2. Enforce lower inhibitions
  3. Let libidos run wild.

43 Repeal the mining tax

43 Make members of the boards of mining companies work in the mines for minimum wage one month a year

44 Devolve environmental approvals for major projects to the states

44 Teaching on ‘DEVOlution’ promoted in schools.

45 Introduce a single rate of income tax with a generous tax-free threshold

45 New tax rate for those earning above $1million -99%.

46 Cut company tax to an internationally competitive rate of 25 per cent

46 Add sex research levy on to company profits to fund free condoms for all

47 Cease funding the Australia Network

47 More amateur hours on Australia Network

48 Privatise Australia Post

48 Free post boxes for those that want to receive those special magazines that you want no one to know about.

49 Privatise Medibank

49 Nationalise the mining industry just to piss off the dimwits in The IPA

50 Break up the ABC and put out to tender each individual function

50 Fund a sex education channel for the ABC by taxing wowsers who oppose sex education.
 

51 Privatise SBS

51 More European nudey films on SBS.
 

52 Reduce the size of the public service from current levels of more than 260,000 to at least the 2001 low of 212,784

52. No, why don’t you make it 212,785? That way it doesn’t sound like a number you pulled from John Roskam’s arse.

53 Repeal the Fair Work Act

53 Legislate for a ‘Free Fuck Friday’. Watch productivity soar when employees are allowed to get sexual relief at work on Friday afternoons

54 Allow individuals and employers to negotiate directly terms of employment that suit them

54 Legislate so that sexual partners have to negotiate between themselves for postions that suit them

55 Encourage independent contracting by overturning new regulations designed to punish contractors

55 No more punishment. Unless you want it; in that case you can do what thou wilt!

56 Abolish the Baby Bonus

56 Making babies. That’s what we are about!

57 Abolish the First Home Owners' Grant

57 All you gals are welcome to swing by my home anytime you want ;)

58 Allow the Northern Territory to become a state

58 Mandated nude spaces in Darwin

59 Halve the size of the Coalition front bench from 32 to 16

59. Reduce the size of Coalition to Tony Abbott and the Cabinet Tea Lady

60 Remove all remaining tariff and non-tariff barriers to international trade

60 Remove your tie. Remove your top. And let’s all get down and dirty at Ravecore 2014.

61 Slash top public servant salaries to much lower international standards, like in the United States

61 Limit top private company executive salaries to similar range in Uganda

62 End all public subsidies to sport and the arts

62 Sponsor a sporting sexual Olympics and Arts festival. Make it compulsory for all libertarians to attend and/or perform

63 Privatise the Australian Institute of Sport

63 Nationalise sporting arenas.Make clothing optional

64 End all hidden protectionist measures, such as preferences for local manufacturers in government tendering

64 Ban all Institutes with the words “Independent’ or ‘Public’ in them. Anyone caught working for them to be banned from wearing pants.

65 Abolish the Office for Film and Literature Classification

65 Only two film classifications from now on; Horny or Non-Horny.

66 Rule out any government-supported or mandated internet censorship

66 Ban internet surveillance by the Government. I am not proud of a lot of things I have done on the internet but it really isn’t anyone else’s business.

67 Means test tertiary student loans

67 No student loans just free education. Especially free sex education! 

68 Allow people to opt out of superannuation in exchange for promising to forgo any government income support in retirement

68 Pensions for all! If not enough money tax the rich more

69 Immediately halt construction of the National Broadband Network and privatise any sections that have already been built

69 Tin cans and string for everyone. Paid for by IPA.

70 End all government funded Nanny State advertising

70 A nanny in every home, and occasionally in the bedroom with the wife as well for a swinging threesome!

71 Reject proposals for compulsory food and alcohol labeling

71 Make more jelly. And spread it all over my body baby! 

72 Privatise the CSIRO

72 Nationalise the railways. Always have one carriage per train allocated for swinging fun

73 Defund Harmony Day

73 New holiday declared “Make right wing think tank occupants go naked for a day”

74 Close the Office for Youth

74 We are the Department of Youth! We got the Power!

75 Privatise the Snowy-Hydro Scheme

75 And for fuck sake get the GST off tissues!