NEW AUSSIE MOVIE SET TO BE RELEASED: <I>FREE SCHAPELLE!</I>

Tuesday, 31 May 2005 By Phil Adams&Johnno Si

XenoxNews has just gotten wind of a new movie being rushed into production based on the tragic story of Schapelle Corby. It is said to have the whole hearted backing of the Australian film industry and many of Australia’s finest actors are rushing home to be part of this film.

Said to be directed by Oscar winner Peter Weir, Free Schapelle has the following tentative cast list:
Nicole Kidman as Aussie Sweetheart Schapelle Corby
Mick Molloy as Schapelle's financial saviour Ron Bakir
Russell Crowe as Lt Bruce Thompson, Aussie SAS Hero
Jack Thompson as Schapelle's Dad
Kerri Anne Kennerly as Schapelle's Mum
Naomi Watts as flirtatious Mercedes Corby
Ben Mendelson as Holden Corby
Pompous Law Expert Geoffrey Rush

Story Synopsis:
The story of Schapelle starts with her arrival in Bali and her subsequent framing by the Indonesian Police for drug possession. Follow all the twists and turns of her court case as Schapelle and her family stand up against a corrupt legal system. See the devastating verdict as the uncaring and sinister Indonesian judges contrive to find poor Schapelle guilty. Imprisoned in the hell of an Indonesian jail, she is racially abused and assaulted by the evil prison guards. In a steamy encounter, Schapelle breaks down and takes comfort on her sister Mercedes bosom and a bit of girl-on-girl action ensues.

As all Aussies rise as one against the guilty verdict, tyrannical Indonesian PM Yudieyoyo (Gary Oldman) decides that Schapelle will be sentenced to death as punishment to Australia for refusing to give anymore money to the Tsunami appeal. Finally, 70 year old Aussie PM John Howard (Bud Tingwell) authorises the use of the SAS to Free Schapelle! With seconds to spare Schapelle is winched to safety from in front of the firing squad by the dashing helicopter flying Aussie SAS man Lt Thompson. Schapelle renounces her lesbianism, recovers her Christianity, and flies off into a beautiful Bali sunset with Lt Thompson.

This movie is set to be another Aussie classic like Alvin Purple and Ned Kelly Rides Again. Of course we welcome all XenoxNews readers to send in their alternative plotlines for what will surely be a film to unite all of Australia!

Pithy Quote

When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.