Created: Friday, 21 June 2002 Written by Alex_HydellAUSTRALIA AGREES TO 21ST CENTURY JURISPRUDENCE – USA DIGS DEEPER MOAT, BARRICADES GATE & INVESTS IN BOILING OIL
Dragged kicking and screaming, Australia will finally join more than 60 countries to ratify the statute to set up an International Criminal Court. It will, however, maintain its policy of watching from behind a bush while asylum seekers drown at sea. We call it surveillance. The US meanwhile is running scared from the ICC. The United States of Enron has joined the rank ranks of such shining bastions of freedom and democracy as China, Israel and India to vote against establishing the court.
After having his pinenuts squeezed by anxious backbenchers and a few senior troglodytes desperate to maintain an air of credibility in a government beset by exposed lies and cover-ups, Prime Minister John “Bite Me” Howard finally relented and agreed to support the International Criminal Court. With strict conditions aimed at protecting Australia's bruised and battered “sovereignty”. Why won’t the UN stop picking on us!
The conditions are thought to contain the clause: “John Howard will never be prosecuted for fucking up the East Timor referendum by ignoring intelligence reports of an impending bloodbath planned by the Indonesian military.”
Australia’s belated ratification is considered a victory for the Foreign Minister, Alexander “Dowager” Downer, who was earlier seen sulking in the ladies lavatory, mascara running down his chubby cheeks. The Defence Minister, Robert “Helicopter” Hill, and the Attorney-General, “Dim” Daryl Williams, were also strong supporters of the court. Later, the Attorney-General insisted to reporters that he thought he was voting to outlaw Supreme Court Judges.
Among nations signing up for the ICC are Britain, almost all of Europe, Canada, New Zealand and numerous African, central and southern American countries.
Late (very, very late) News Flash: Osama Bin Later has declared a policy of pre-emptive “first-strikes” against his enemies.