Ladies & gentlemen what more is there to say but:
Today's Science is a scam!
What the fuck. Is it all run by perverts and charlatans? Seemingly inspired by lurid and disgusting comedy from the 70s. What's next? Studying the effects of Brasso?
And don't forget, your taxes are paying these degenerates. Write a letter to your local MP and tell him how you feel about this. You know the address, just bung it in the post box.
I've had enough boss. Just put me on the boogie and let me go looking for Joan...