Created: Monday, 05 June 2006 Written by ChatoIn vino veritas! The PM tells the awful
truth after an all-night binge.
Tourists from some greasy Islamic place,
tour Oz, and knowing how fond the Monkey
is of his free-wine tipple, apply evil
truth serum to the Suckabilly House
public-funded wine cellar.
Displaying the low cunning so typical of
the dark races, a gang of non cricket
playing, swarthy heathens pretended to
be cheap sweatshop workers who were
planning to overstay their visas and
displace bludging Oz workers. This got
them into Oz easily, as they seemed to
be part of the flood of cheap illegal
labour that now floods into Oz with
minimal security checking, as part of
the fair Howardland labour reforms.
In a touch of fiendish cunning they used
a fridge magnet to bypass Howardland
security systems meant to protect
Monkey. They gained access to the
expensive wine cellar where they did
unspeakable things to the wine...
Next day the Performing Monkey explains
to Oz workers how Howardland workplace
"reforms" will make them very wealthy,
healthy, happy, intelligent and young.
Uncle Suck Arse speaks:-
"As I look upon your faces, I feel sick
with revulsion at having to soil my
regal vision with the sight of so many
losers. If you don't fuck-off soon I'll
kick you all in your rotten guts.
It must be all the plonk! I feel
strangely compelled to tell all you
fucktards the awful truth about myself
and my slimy "reform agenda".
You should know that I have always
conned and tricked people to get what
I have wanted, because I knew that
being honest is for mugs, and I had
no detectable talent.
Don't you understand that the criminal
laws were put in place to protect you
from creatures such as myself?
I wonder why you have not worked out
that I am the one bad apple that spoils
any good apples in the barrel. Far
from having the Midas touch, everything
I touch turns into gold-plated shit!
I have plotted against you deadshits
from the outset, and no traitor has
betrayed his own people more than I have
betrayed you lot. When you clowns cannot
see us, we sometimes shriek laughing at
how you are far too stupid to see the
dirty tricks we play at your expense.
The damage I and my gang have done is so
extreme that you can save yourselves the
trouble of trying to fix it, because it
is much too fucked for that.
Sometimes I think that I have been too
vicious, and that I have run out of evil
things to do to you. That feeling soon
passes, and by the next day I get back
into the swing of things.
I have not finished with you pathetic
bludgers yet, and that is not one of my
usual non-core promises!"