A special dispatch received at Xenox News HQ this morning links Osama Bin Laden with the missing Tesla documents! When Nikola Tesla died, penniless at the age 86 on January 7, 1943, his life works mysteriously vanished. Fear is now rising dramatically at the possible magnitude of the reprisals from Osama Bin Laden as recent reports suggest that the documents are now in the hands of Al Qaeda. Among other claims, Tesla had let it be known that he had the blueprints for a device that could 'split the earth in half like an apple' as well as the design for a powerful beam that could take out 10000 planes from over 250 miles away. Pundits claim that the plans for low resource, alternative energy devices were also amongst the many documents that disappeared at this time. Using the earth as an electric tuning fork, Tesla, from his Manhattan lab, managed to get a steam-driven oscillator to vibrate at the same frequency as the ground beneath him resulting in an earthquake felt on the surrounding city blocks. Buildings trembled, windows broke, and plaster fell off the walls. Tesla contended that the same principle could be used to destroy the Empire State Building!
In his Colorado Springs lab in 1899, Tesla sent waves of energy through the Earth. They bounced back creating the largest man-made lightning bolt ever recorded. At 130 feet remains an unbroken world record. The accompanying thunder was heard 22 miles away. The meadow surrounding his lab had a strange blue glow, similar to that of St. Elmo's Fire.
No crank, Nikola Tesla, born in Smijlan, Croatia, was the inventor of the fluorescent bulb, neon lights, the speedometer, the automobile ignition system, radar, the electron microscope, the first hydro electric system and the microwave oven. Tesla had also accurately determined the resonant frequencies of the Earth almost 60 years before modern science confirmed his results.
The race for the elimination of Bin Ladin and his head quarters will surely increase as the release of these documents could also estensibly reduce the need for a world driven by fossil fuels...
George Bush was quoted as saying "This isn't about electrickery or collateral damage, Osama won't release those documents; he'll end up just as broke as I will, anyway that's what his brother told me"