HYPERTHETICAL FIRST-STRIKE STRUCK OUT BY PRE-EMPTIVE STROKE

If only US Presidunce Bush had choked on his pretzels! If only Australia's PM Poodle strangled on his own forked tongue! Then maybe the world could get on with sorting this fucking mess out without resorting to a global free-for-all. As Australia's mini-me PM John Howard continue's his Deputy Dawg yapping in the hope of a pat on the head and a Smackos treat from the Pretzel Prez of the United Empire of America, South East Asian nations wonder if they should bomb the PM's residence to pre-empt his hyperthetical pre-emptive attack on hyperthetical terrorists in hyperthetical neighbouring countries.

Now THAT's what I call a fucking sentence!

Meanwhile, back in Iraq, anxious UN inspectors hope the deranged Pretzel Prez will give them fair warning when he starts his pre-emptive attack before Iraq pre-empts him first.

The bid to wipe out weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is flawed, fallacious and fucked.

Flawed because Iraq is being singled out to surrender its deadly arsenals. Fallacious because the cynical US ignores similar weapons elsewhere in the region. And fucked because we all know its just a ploy to control oil supply and settle some old scores with Iraqi bad guy Saddass Hussein.

The United Empire of America warns it has 'zero tolerance' for any violations of United Nations resolutions. Yet it carries out daily bombing raids in the American-declared "no-fly-zones" in southern and northern Iraq where both the "no-fly-zones" and the military strikes have NOT been authorised by any UN resolution.

But UN resolutions have often been defied by many countries. A prime example are the many UN resolutions calling on Israel to respect the legitimate rights of the Palestinians. But given the massive military and financial US aid supplied to the war-monger Sharon, don't expect Israel to ever willingly comply. Should we enforce global sanctions on Israel?

It's not surprising that many Arabs view US actions as fuelled by a deep-seated, irrational, fear of Islam. No wonder too that the thug Saddass Hussein has struck a chord in the Islamic world. Not to mention the man who isn't there: Osama bin Laden.

As for crucial but nervous US ally Turkey, it says it wants to see a second United Nations resolution before any US-led attack on Iraq.

Turkey already allows US warplanes to use Incirlik airbase to harass Iraq in "no-fly" zones , maiming and killing innocent Iraqi citizens.

However, Turkey is more worried about its sizeable Kurdish minority - in particular the possibility of Iraqi Kurds gaining independence. If only Turkey could poison its Kurds the way the US allowed Saddass to during the Iran/Iraq war!

Ah, but Turkish media reports say the Pretzel Prez and oily bankers have promised to write off Ankara's $6-7bn military debts if it meets US demands. How generous!

As with the heroin-producing bandits of Afghanistan who helped the US topple the Taliban, so with its major global partners in this ongoing phoney "war on terror": divide, bribe, fuckover and abandon.

If only Saddass had the money, he could pay off the Turks too!

Hey, George, you fucking wanker, what price peace?

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