Saturday, 23 November 2002 By Jedediah HogwollaThe mummified remains of a German woman and her son who apparently died three years ago were found in their Florida home, along with that of their dead dog, police say. A calendar and paperwork found in the home in tiny Lehigh Acres, along with food in the refrigerator with 1999 expiry dates, led investigators to believe the two may have died as long ago as March 1999.
Police say US acquaintances of the pair may have thought they moved back to Germany while their German relatives may have thought they were staying in the United States.
“And I thought my in-laws were dumb assholes,” commented an investigating officer.
Investigators say they could not release the names of the victims, saying only that they were a 63-year-old woman and a 34-year-old man.
But the man who found the bodies, family friend Gunther Himmel Weltschmertz, told a newspaper they were Heidi Apfel-Fuchs and her son Henkel, frequent visitors to Florida from Strudelwurstliederhundt, Germany. The dog – a bulldog-shitzu cross commonly known as a bullshit – was identified as Siegfried.
The female was on the dining room floor, the male on his bed with the dog next to him.
Paperwork as late as March 10 1999 was found, suggesting that was the last time they were alive.
The bodies were discovered on Wednesday when a friend went to check on them after learning the local council was about to sell their house for non-payment of taxes.
The pair were last seen alive in January 1999 when the dog attacked a courier attempting to deliver a parcel.
Detectives say the house was dusty but well-kept.
"I wish my missus was that neat” remarked a detective. "You could eat out of the toilet bowl".
The lights were on and the air conditioning was working, apparently because the Apfel-Fuchs' bills were paid automatically.
Investigators found cheese and milk with 1999 expiry dates in the refrigerator. The blue vein was of exceptional flavour but the milk had to be painlessly put-down. A calendar was marked until February 28, 1999.
Autopsies and toxicology tests are being done to determine the cause of death.
Police say two notes found in the home, written in German, were translated and did not provide investigators with any clues to the deaths.
A third note apparently reads: “der schreklich gefuken amerikaner ist geshitt scheisse fur meine kopf”.
“We’re still working on that one,” said a police department spokesmen.