As one King steps down Queen Liz declares she also has had enough

Wednesday, 04 June 2014 By Royal Reporter

English Queen Liz says “Fuck it, I’m leaving” after hearing that Spain’s King Carlos quits

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With the astonishing news that King Carlos is stepping down from his job as head of the embattled Spanish State, it has come to hand that another Royal wants to jump ship.

And amazingly it is England’s Monarch and role model Queen Elizabeth II!

It seems that hearing that one of her many Royal cousins was quitting was enough to throw Queen Liz into a giant tizzy. Sources said she stormed around Buckingham Palace, swigging Gin from a bottle, and scolding anyone within earshot…

“If that Spanish cunt Carlos can quit why do I still have to be Queen? … I've had a gutful of opening fucking Fetes for senile old biddies and cutting bloody ribbons on some stupid Tory party donor’s office building… Why can’t that fucking Charles do the job for a change? And if he doesn't want it, give it to his dimwit son and his slut of a wife!”

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Will Willy and Kate take over now their Grandmother is quitting? 

Keen Royal watchers have known for years that Liz wasn't a happy queenie, but none expected her to totally flip her wig with the news from Madrid. One Buckingham staffer told us:

“I remember the furor when she turned 80, but I thought she had settled back down after that, and was going to stoically do her job as England desires”


The news of the imminent demise of the Nation’s second longest Monarch also sent shock waves through the English establishment. Many had hoped that their Queen would stick around for as long as her permanently inebriated mother. But after being told of her breakdown, English PM David Cameron was seen being bundled into a car outside No. 10 that speeded off towards the Palace. There, no doubt, he was going to try and convince Liz that she shouldn't resign, and do the right thing for God and country.

 Said one peer of the realm on the situation:

"Imagine if Liz did quit? We'd have that idiot Charles as King and that old pervert Phil the Greek on the loose. It'd be a nightmare!"


Offend-o-Meter: 5 / 5

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