Yes, it's true, Xenox News is able to confirm that there is absolutely NO PROOF that the Prime Miniature John Howard the Duckbreath did NOT butt-fuck Secretary of the PM's Office Max Moore-Wiltdick over his shiny Chesterfield armchair.
Despite intensive investigation, we CANNOT say with any real certainty that the Prime Monster did NOT hump Wildick's lilly white arse while the entire salivating Cabinet looked on, cheering and tossing streamers - and just plain tossing.
This is Canberra, and this is Max Gross, signing off - but not tossing off - for Xenox News On-Line!
VIVA XENOX NEWS! IN VINO VERITAS!