The Confessions of Today's Pervert.
The depravity of the modern world is immeasurable, and I’d be a liar to say I didn’t indulge in some of it.
Some that is, not all.
Me and the internet in picture form.
I’ve lost count of how many women I’ve shown my pecker too. Aroused, unscrubbed, unbound, drooling; they have seen it all.
Don’t worry, they were all compensated one way or another.
But lately I’ve been reading about this NSA thing...
Do you think somewhere in Utah they really would have a picture of my dalliances on the Web? Some recording of the goings on? In the halls of power the release of my seed has been viewed over and over again? Analysed, dissected, and shared out amongst Washington's elite?
Fuck me if they do, for I can tell you, I have a lot to hide!
Look at this. No wonder those Jap guys never leave their rooms and wank all day on the net!
Now all you internet whizzes out there, you Redbutt readers and Gizmodos journos, you should know a way round this terrible calamity against natural justice.
I mean, what right has Obama’s missus got to see my digitilised pecker? None! I haven’t paid her anything!
Don’t tell me it can’t be done, cause if it comes to a choice of being an online pervert and all the world knowing it, I am sorry but I choose perversion. This world is driving me crazy enough without losing the solace of twanging my wire to anonymous filipino mothers.
Look, I work with the Town Council. I am sure you agree with me that it is only fitting and proper that I be afforded some level of protection, right?