Monday, 09 January 2012 By Max Gross
Max Gross loses the plot!
Sometimes a reported news excretion evokes more than the usual "what the fuck!"

Hell's balls, I get so pissed-off it near drives me sober. Bugger!

I mean, I'm used to watching successive Australian Federal governments assaulting the small and weak, so I was surprised to read about the current Canberra chair warmers' treatment of someone big and strong.

I'm talking about the deportation - by ministerial command - of Hayden Harlem Tewao, a 26 -years-old Maori brother from the Land of the Long White Cloud.

I don't know him and you don't know him, but we're all accustomed to the federal government in the form of the traitorous, so-called Australian "Labor" Party - a right of centre party of real-politik arse-sniffers and corporate cock-suckers - using helpless asylum seekers as political footballs. Just like Australia's demented "Liberal"/National coalition of extremist right-wing nut-jobs,the ALP views families fleeing from hell-holes like Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, etc. as easy grist for the re-election mill.

OK, Tiny Hayden is no refugee but he IS the subject of random government decree, driven by bullshite populism, racism and just plain unreasonable stupidity.

Call it real-politik.

Opposition Leader Br'er Tony Abbott's asinine mantra to 'Stop the Boats' is echoed in Prime Minister Gillard's morally-bereft policies. Heads of the same noxious Hydra, they claim distinct views but in fact offer the dazed, debt-laden mug punter the same sick policies of fear, smear and "let 'em drown", as people escaping from violent, volatile war zones (violence that Australia has helped inflame in the name of the impotent ANZUS treaty) continue to board smuggler's boats to seek sanctuary in The Lucky Country.

The Lying Rodent may have slithered from the stage, contentedly coiled now around his royal Order of Merit, but the policy detritus of the insidious Howard "era" continues to shape Australia's desolate political landscape.

But things could be worse. Australia could be Amerikkka. Oh, Momma!

No doubt, that's just a matter or time. And arse-sniffing. And cock-sucking.

Anyone for a Free-Trade Agreement with the USA? Anyhoo, using his powers of "discretion", Immigration Minister Chris Bowen, citing Hayden's "exceptionally large" stature as being a risk factor, has ordered the big Kiwi deported.

Is Bowen worried Hayden will stride through Canberra, Godzilla-like, to demolish Parliament House?

Oh no, there goes the tax-payer funded parliamentary bar! Call out the ADF! Oops, sorry, no-can-do, all our uniformed boys'n'grrls are getting blown up in Afghanistan for US oil interests.

Shee-it! How about we deport all the big fat bastards that take up so much bloody space on planes, trains and buses!

Exceptionally large?

Damn right, brother Hayden is apparently 2.1-metre tall, makes the scales yelp at 200kg and, according to the Australian Administrative Appeals Board (AAAP), sports "shoulders like buttresses and legs like pylons. His hands, as fists, resemble demolition balls."

Jesus H. Christ, Bowen, are you fucken mad? Recruit this man for the AFL!

The AAAP also decided that "Mr Tewao, or Tiny as he is known, seems for all his mountainous bulk a gentle man. He stands as if in apology for the space he takes up. His head is often bowed as he holds his massive hands clasped loosely in front of him. His speech is tentative and his voice soft. He is said to be mildly intellectually disabled, but his words occasionally catch his thoughts and form a comment so insightful or a connection so nimble that one must play the words over to be sure they were his."

Not good enough for our moping Minister Bowen (Am I alone in thinking he looks woebegone in his role?).

Although "Tiny" Hayden won his appeal after the Department of Immigration decided to cancel his visa on character grounds, Bowen intervened, declaring him an ongoing threat to Australia.OK. Let's look at that.

Bowen vetoed the AAAP, which had decided the Kiwi was "a low risk of reoffending and had shown remorse for his crime".

Hayden's cited crime was beating the holy living christ out of a bloke who had sold him and his cousin wacky baccy after a day of sucking brew, smoking mary and taking ecstasy.

Yeah, I know, not always the best chemical combo for a civilised socialising.

The big fella also has convictions for common assault and damage to property.

Hayden was sentenced to more than three years imprisonment and his visa was cancelled, resulting in the current fandango.

Yeah, the Kiwi's a heavy, but you can be sure there's more to the story that any of this. For starters, the AAAP noted that Hayden's family was "enmeshed" in gang culture.

Gang culture. That's what white-bread reporters and policy makers label tribal, clan or cultural association. Or obligation.

Hmm, any giant Aussie good ol'boys out there smashing someone's face as a family favour?


Isn't that what both the ALP and Lib/Nats love conflating with those purportedly exclusive, Aussie ideals of the Fair Go, Mateship and getting as pissed as possible as fast as possible on Australia Day, the day the nation commemorates the stupid WW1 bloodbath when the Turks turfed our Diggers from their shores?

My point is, arbitrary lines continue to be drawn, draconian laws continue to be implemented, cheese is cynically supplied and withdrawn, goal posts continue to shuffle and frogs, bees and trees continue to disappear.

The iceberg cometh. The beach beckons. The distant stars say "Shh, chill, join us".

No wonder I drink.

This was Max Gross for Xenox News. Cheers, mate!


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