NEW EPIDEMIC - DEFECATED ON AUSTRALIAN FLAG
Tuesday, 30 January 2007 By RepoMan
In light of recent mass hysteria in recent years relating to the Australian flag, a new sub-culture is crossing the boundaries of what may or may not be acceptable in Australian society.
Xenox News has been sent hundreds of photographs from practitioners of this degenerate activity which is taking Australia by storm.
The 'Aussie Flag Poo Purveyors' as one correspondent referred to his local unit apparently regards the practice as an exercise in social understanding.
"The flag is meaningless. Us kids are of the world now. Through the internet and MSN we know no social boundary."
Another correspondent (who asked to be referred to only as "Poo man") claimed that flags were an ephemeral symbol that was the cause of more problems than solutions.
"It doesn't mean anything. It is a rag with some colours on it. The only people who give it any meaning are those who have no meaning in their lives or in their family history. To try and bring meaning into their lives they start standing by symbols, just like backward civilisations pray to gods made of clay or trinkets that supposedly came from heaven"
"By taking a dump on the flag we can show everyone how meaningless it all is."
Authorities are very concerned as the "flag shitters" are becoming more competitive in their quest for "brownie points".
"Its all about how much we can get away with while not only having fun but proving a point."
A spokesperson from Health Services raised concerns about the epidemic and the associated health problems with dozens of defecated upon flags appearing in the streets of capital cities and at the entries to RSL clubs nationwide.