Saturday, 08 May 2004 By Professor Williams
Use the leftScientists have wondered why in places where serious masturbation occurs there is often a detectable increase in the room's level of ozone, and a recent study by Professor Williams of the Xenox Institute seems to have discovered why. It appears that the act of left hand wanking actually generates ozone.

The Xenox Institute team found that the process of left hand wanking a penis often generates enough friction to create a static charge.

The distinctive smell of Ozone is often present when electrical discharges such as lightning take place (the actual mechanism involves the conversion of the normally dual Oxygen atom molecules into the triple Oxygen molecule Ozone) and it appears that the small electrical charges generated by left hand masturbation 'spark off' creating significant amounts of ozone.

One important spin off of this Ozone creation lies in the replenishment of the fast deteriorating Ozone layer that surrounds the planet. On a rough estimate, Professor Williams's team calculated that if twice as many wankers used the left hand the Ozone layer depletion could be slowed significantly.

Said the Professor: "Look if you gotta spank the monkey why not try the left hand and do a service to the environment as well as yourself."

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