Wednesday, 01 August 2012 By Sports Correspondent



After 5 days competition the host nation is yet to win a gold medal. And the natives are getting restless. In fact fingers are now being pointed at that once infallible British Institution: The Royal Family.

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Zara Phillips and friends. Royal Horse Rider.

Over the years the British Olympic Equestrian team has always had a member of their inbred royalty in it. This Olympics it was Zara Phillips turn, granddaughter of some princess whose mother fucked a Greek. However it seems Zara’s riding experience was limited to a bit of going horsey with the instructor back when she was at Higginbottom Grammer School for Ladies. Turns out she fucked up the only chance Britain has had for a gold medal so far by taking a tumble at the first jump.


What a right royal fuckwit!


Well that was enough for the peasants. Promised gold, gold, gold! they are beginning to gather out the front of Buckingham Palace and are baying for blood.

Said one resident of Cockney Street: “After seeing her ride I wanna infect that stuck up royal tart with some exotic tropical worm like schistosomiasis. Me and the Missus stayed up all night hoping for a gold medal and she goes and fucks it at the very first jump!”

Behind the Palace fence supporters for the Royal Family are also assembling and having their say. Staunch Royalist David Flint OBE told us:“Those hoi polloi are lucky they are even allowed in the same city of the Olympics. They should get down on their knees and thank God that they have such a magnificent Royal Family ruling them."


queen liz

"The Queen? Yeh I'd fuck her."


In other events the Chinks won more gold, the Yanks kept on cheating, and some badminton players wanted to lose.

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