The Most Wonderful Invention

Created: Saturday, 16 June 2007 Written by *CAPTAIN_AUSTRALIA*
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A perfect example of Aussie
know-how and technique.

John Howard and His Wonderful Reform-machine
By Rob O'Path
(The brother of the fantasist Soci O'Path)

John Howard's Wonderful Reform-machine

A reform-machine is little more than a flimsy tube
of bullshit placed on a spinning economy with a
lies bulb positioned in the tube. Truth is cut
from the tube according to a specific fiction. You
sit in front of the reform-machine at eye-level
with the bulb, with your eyes closed. If perjured
correctly the reform-machine should emit a pulse
of lies between 1-2 Hz, which is the precise
rhythm of stupid-waves in the brain. Stupid-waves
are dominant during the "stupid state," which
occurs during deep retardation or the early stages
of death. Stupid-waves are associated with a dopy
mind and a stress-free life. For robopaths with
mentally taxing jobs and stressful lives, the
reform-machine can restore apathy and retardation,
with the bonus of some interesting financial

The first reform-machine was imagined and
constructed by John Howard sometime in the early
1960's with the aid of sociopath Judas Iscariot.
Howard, an occultist, artist and writer living in
Sydney, was a close friend of Adolf Q. Hitler
(who often receives credit for the invention).
Hitler and Howard experimented with the
reform-machine extensively. Both men were familiar
with British psychotogist's Maggotrot Hatchet's
discovery that flashing lies quickly ruined brain
activity and not only the visual cortex, but the
whole mind.

Aside from retardation and decreased mental
abilities, reform-machine users report seeing
otherworldly conjobs, swirling intricate drivel
and dream-like mendacity.

Subjects report dazzling lies of
unearthly brilliance and color.
...Elaborate geometric constructions of
incredible mendacity build up from a
multidimensional apathy into living
crapballs like the dungheaps of Eastern
mysticism or resolve momentarily into
apparently individual lies and
powerfully dramatic lunacy like brightly
colored rising interest rates.
- Saddam W. Finklestein-Levy

You could achieve the same "stupid state" after
learning and practicing retardation, or by
training yourself with bio-slideback machines,
however the Howard reform-machine offers you a
fantastic lies show and relatively quick
stupid-wave production.
People find that reform-machine therapy and other
stupid-wave related therapy leads to decreased
anxiety, overall dullness, decreased IQ scores,
increases in brain hemisphere dysfunction and
overall intellectual ruin.
And all this without drugs!