Saturday, 25 April 2015 By Max Gross

Gallipoli 1915 – 2015

 Xenox News' man-on-the-smut, raving reporter Max Gross, joins the piss parade in Melbourne commemorating the spat between Queen Victoria's grandchildren King George V, Kaiser Wilhelm II and Tsar Nicholas II

 “The pioneers of a warless world are the young men (and women) who refuse military service” - Albert Einstein

“War is a cowardly escape from the problems of peace” - Thomas Mann

 “The Gallipoli peninsula (; Gelibolu Yarımadası; Καλλίπολη i.e. "beautiful city") is located in Turkish Thrace (or East Thrace), the European part of Turkey, with the Aegean Sea to the west and the Dardanelles straits to the east. Gallipoli derives its name from the Greek "Καλλίπολις" ( Kallipolis), meaning "Beautiful City". Καλλίπολις, Henry George Liddell, Robert Scott, A Greek-English Lexicon, on Perseus In antiquity, it was known as the Thracian Chersonese, from Θρακική Χερσόνησος (Chersonesus Thracica)” -

“Well ya play that Tarantella, all the hounds they start to roar” - Tom Waits


Roll up, roll up, labias and genitals, the annual firesale of Gallipoli's corpses is on again, going cheep, cheep, cheep!

Cheaper and nastier and more repugnant today more than when John Howard hijacked historic grief, politicised the war dead and turned what was once a personal, low-key memento mori into a jingo-spattered, flag-cranking, bullshit bullhorn bonanza.

Buy now and get your free memorial Anzac stubby holder with authentic looking blood, mud and shitstains.

A sideshow to the “war to end all wars”, it spawned a miasma of hysterical jingoism, idiotic nationalism and self-righteous rhetoric and to this day political opportunists of all stripes, sizes and odours gladly hop aboard the bullshit express Australian's imagine as Anzac Day.

Unlike the devious professional swindlers in government and industry, I don't pretend to speak for the war dead or their widows, but I do agree with Robert Graves when he wrote that

“Truth-loving Persians do not dwell upon

The trivial skirmish fought near Marathon.”

Think about it.

One hundred years after the naval fiasco of March 18 1915, when British and French ships failed to breech the Dardanelles, the irony of Aussie troops (Well, a wee token couple of hundred of them, anyway) trotting off to the Middle East quagmire in Iraq is as gob-smacking as it is pointless.

Tony Abbott PM - aka the Human Chum Bucket - and his zombiefied Defence Minister Kevin Andrews - aka Creepy Jesus - sang from the standard issue karaoki song book regarding Islamic State/ISIL/ISIS/Daesh/Whatever:

“the aim is to degrade and ultimately defeat... yada yada yada.”

Pass the KY, bend over and take a deep breath, people!

US military mensch Colonel Steve Warren recently explained how this latest mission is destined to be accomplished, when he informed reporters that “coalition” air strikes and efforts by local forces had "unquestionably inflicted some damage on ISIL and have pushed ISIL back in a somewhat meaningful way”.

Somewhat meaningful?



Feck! Farrrrrrk! No wonder I drink!

Anyhoo, despite the rain, what an it was a joy to behold the Old Scotch Pipe and Drums wending their soggy way through the city streets in their amusing tartan skirts and funny shoes.

And how uplifting to see all those Aussie flags mass produced in Taiwan, the colourfully funereal umbrellas and all those shivering spectators wrapped in plastic and smiling, applauding and giddily waving on this solemn occasion when we pause to give thought to those servicemen and women who died in foreign wars in Australia's name and, in the case of Gallipoli, to maintain British colonialism and see the sights beyond scintillating Wagga Wagga, Tumbarumba and Cockburn (Careful how you pronounce that last one).

[However if you got killed in basic training or got sea-sick and fell off the ship on your way to the Bospherous, bad luck old sport, your name doesn't go on the Honor Roll.]

The Turkish soldiers who opposed the landings were defending their homeland and religion. Who wouldn't have?.

Turkey was not in the war so we went and tried to invade the place to keep them from entering the war (WTF?!) and got thoroughly arse-whipped without even getting off the fecking beach.

And why did those foolish Aussie yokels volunteer - yes, ALL volunteers, to a man... and boy - to become fish bait and crow food in a place few had ever heard of and none had ever seen?

In the immortal words of the so-called Last Anzac, Alec Campbell, a Gallipoli veteran aged 17 at the time and who only fought in the war for two months:

"I joined for adventure. There was not a great feeling of defending the Empire. I lived through it, somehow. I enjoyed some of it. I am not a philosopher. Gallipoli was Gallipoli."

Well, duh! Another great Aussie intellect unleashed upon the world!

When the First War War ran out of young men to grind into sausage mince, more than 9 million troops had been killed, and another 21 million wounded.

More than a million troops were killed in the infamous Battle of the Somme alone, including about 30,000 in just one nightmarish day.

In France, some 11% of the population of was slaughtered or maimed during, and some 116,000 Americans were killed, although the US was only part of the European catastrofuck for about 7 months.

Lest we... fuck it!

Giving practical form to Governor-General Sir Peter Cosgrove's solemn observation that the Anzacs and their deeds at Gallipoli and throughout World War Numero Uno revealed Australia and New Zealand as “nations of values supported by men and women of the greatest character" and, given the historic significance of the occasion, let me congratulate the publishers and editors of that noble Aussie rag Zoo for its thoughtful Centenary Edition featuring a bikini-clad babe thoughfully fondling a long-stemmed poppy.

Class, lads, sheer class, and a perfect salute to Sir Pete's remark that "the spirit of Anzac lies in us all. Those first Anzacs gave it to all of us for the rest of time."

Roger THAT and pass us another cold one, old sport!

But I think it was Al Einstein who got it right when he said “Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding”.

Well, we sure have a come a long way on THAT narrow winding road, right, all you corpses, cripples and widows in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria?


Finally, just to piss off the Zionazis and those-who-never-sleep in the Israeli Lobby, I wish to draw attention to the procession of divisional and regimental banners televised throughout this wide, browned-off land of ours, most of which feature one place in particular...


That's right, goyim, Palestine NOT “Israel”.

This was Max Gross for Xenox News, playing two-up, chugging lager and wishing you all an “absolutely calm, considered, prepared, scripted” ANZAC daze.


Read more Max here!

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