US authorities issued a warning of a possible Valentine's Day Teddy Bear bomb threat after a man went on a suspicious shopping spree that included buying nine cute cuddly toys.
The FBI claims a man, "possibly of Arab descent" - or possibly someone else entirely - bought 14 gas canisters, 12 packages of lead gun pellets and nine white Valentine teddy bears at Stevenson Ranch in California on January 15.
"We don't know why he bought this or what he was going to use it for," FBI spokesman Ben Dover said. "It's possible he had nine bitches to placate... but we believe this could also be used as an explosive device."
The FBI wants the public to be alert for anonymous gifts in the form of a soft toy.
Got that, you sleep-arounds? Get straight!
Love and kisses, this is Max Gross reporting for Xenox News, and only when it counts!
My advice: buy roses! (They last longer).