Created: Thursday, 28 June 2007 Written by Staff Reporter
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Just released data of the Australian 2006 census has uncovered a shocking result for Australian men; average penis size has fallen by an average of 20% compared to the 1996 census. Amazingly this time frame corresponds to the reign of John Howard as Prime Minister of Australia.

The graph above shows the population distributions of penile size reported in the 1996 census (mauve) and the 2006 census (crimson). In 1996 the 6-7 inch size was the highest group, in 2006 it is the 5-6 inch group. Given that statisticians reckon men already overestimate the size of their penis when reporting it to census collectors, the reduction in penis size in 2006 compared to 1996 is striking.

The causes behind this dramatic reduction under the Howard Government’s 10 year rule are a mystery. XenoxNews spoke to a range of experts to get their opinions on the matter.

One common reason cited was the new stress of modern living in the 21st century. Said one Professor of Psychiatry:
“It could be stress due to Howard’s new WorkChoices legislation or it could be from the worry and fear induced by the War on Terror. The surge in personal debt is obviously another possibly cause of worry and stress. Men are still the family breadwinners in the majority of homes and the weight of finding the repayment of a skyrocketing mortgage each week could be too much for some.”

Another professional psychiatrist we spoke to thought it could be due to another possible reason; an unconscious sympathetic alignment of the Australian male with their leader PM John Howard.
“It is not uncommon in primitive societies to have the members of the tribe physically identify themselves with the tribe leader. I believe a similar effect could be happening here. John Howard is a small man; the rest of the Australian tribe is just emulating him.”

Of course environmental factors may play a part. A University based environmental researcher told Xenoxnews:
“We have long known that a rise in the estrogen level in the general environment can have horrendous effects. And it may be that this has occurred because of lax policing of anti-pollution laws due to the Howard Government’s pro-business bias.”

“Or it could be due to global warming.”

While this phenomenon has only been brought to light by the analysis of 2006 census data political pundits are now saying that it may be behind the recent fall in the popularity of PM Howard and his Government. Said one:

“No wonder ALP leader Rudd has so much support; Australian men and women are now seeing the results of 10 years of Howard rule every day. And they don’t like it.”