Saturday, 27 March 2004 By TEX LUMBAGO
This just in...

it all began at dawn...i was swept into the miasma of my turgid existence. the landlady, a rather portly figure, rustled me out of bed with a wallop:
"why you no good lousy disgrace! get up!"

A diamond tiara dangled from her pierced nose. Out the window the cock crowed and some petals bloomed.

"listen madam", I said,"Im a poet and artist so kindly get me my breakfast and be gone!"

The haggard bitch speed from the room. as i gazed round my shabby dwellings i espied a brightly colored tablet. perhaps i had purchased it during last nights debauchery. anywho i decided to take it.

Oh what a crimson coloured tide I let loose!

Poking my pecker out the window I shouted out exclamations of pure poetry!

the farmyard maid made a beeline for it, mouth at the ready. or so it seemed. for when my eyes formed the true picture the mangy cur of a dog was slobbering o­n me knob.
ah well beggars cant be choosers...and fido enjoyed the fruits of my loin. still staggering i headed to the kitchen. a rabid thirst gripped me like pinochets pliers o­n your knackers. i drank anything liquid. olive oil. meerkat juice. camel piss.

whatever brought sweet relief i imbibed.

a sudden surge of physicality overtook me. i fled from the kitchen and run to the dining hall where other dwellers of this hellhole had gathered for breakfast.

"my fellow men of depravity," I opined from o­ntop a chair, "allow me to lead you to glory"

quickly they grabbed me and gave me the bumsrush out the door. o­nto the hard cobbled streets of town i landed. but in my enlightened state i felt as free as a bird.

"sweet home alabama I'm a coming!'

I danced like a mad dervish, the hoi polloi of the town gazing at my wondrous moves. i bumped into a buxom young lass who the accosted me "Howd ya like a bit of this" she said flashing her bosom. I eagerly grasped.....

Unfortunately the madmans tale ends there. if you want more please write to:
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