Thursday, 31 July 2014 By Max Gross

“Shit Happens” to Malaysia Airlines Flight 17

Like an apparition from the fevered dream of a drunken Irish author, Max Gross arises from his mausoleum, fiery-eyed and famished for the blood of charlatans fatted with venality, privilege and delusions of exceptionalism.

lie [lahy] noun 1. a false statement made with intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood. - The Macquarie Dictionary [Synonyms: prevarication, falsification. Antonyms: truth.]

'I want to give people this absolute assurance: no cuts to education, no cuts to health, no change to pensions, no change to GST, no cuts to the ABC or SBS' - Tony Abbott, 6th September, 2013

"The Coalition will do the right thing for Australia and deliver a strong, stable, accountable government that puts the national interest first and delivers a better future for all Australians. We will restore accountability and improve transparency measures to be more accountable to you" - Liberal Party website

"I know politicians are going to be judged on everything they say, but sometimes in the heat of discussion you go a little bit further than you would if it was an absolutely calm, considered, prepared, scripted remark. Which is one of the reasons why the statements that need to be taken absolutely as gospel truth are those carefully prepared, scripted remarks" - Tony Abbott to Kerry O'Brien, ABCTV, 2010

“Shit happens” – Tony Abbott, Afghanistan, 2011

OK, dear bleeders, ten months on and it’s time to take out the garbage and ABORT ABBOTT!

Tony Abbott, his cabinet and his ministry are a pack of treasonous lying bastards and bitches. Treasonous because they act against the best interests of the majority of Australians. Lying bastards and bitches because it’s in their genes.

Australia's very own Quisling, John Winston Howard, at the behest of ex-President George W Bush of the USSA (Universal Sales & Supplies of Armaments, Inc.), betrayed Australians by joining in a gratuitous war against Iraq, already gutted by international sanctions.

The then PM justified his treason with false statements intended to deceive, intentional untruths and falsehoods, by definition, as the Macquarie dictionary puts it: LIES.

He lied and others died.

Howard then devised the cynical campaign slogan: Who do You Trust?

Not "Who is Honest?" Not "Who Speaks the Truth?" The difference was subtle but obvious to those who know the difference between shit and Nutella.

And so it came as no surprise when Tony Abbott, like some twisted mandrake root sprung from the spilled semen of a hanged criminal, used the same slogan in his bullshit blitzkrieg for the prime ministership.

The Mendacious Midget begat the Gormless Golem.

Abbott just can't help himself. We’ve all see him at it before.

His dim-witted mediaeval resolve stiffens, his big gob gapes, the stinking bilge flushes out while the brain cells remain dormant.

He has the gift of the gaff, rivalling even the notorious war criminal George W. Bush for dangerous idiocy. And just enough Aussie voters were stupid enough to let this creep slip into the nation's top slot.

Not only does Abbott mirror the deceit, obscurantism and anti-intellectualism of the Shrub but he also is without a moral compass.

No integrity, no honesty, no credibility. He is ethically retarded.

He would have made a fine Catholic priest (As Fairfax reported, Abbott’s cabinet is “the most powerful collection of Catholics ever assembled in Australia, with almost half its 19 minister being members of that faith, nearly double the proportion of Catholics in the general population” I wonder what percentage of pederasts that is?).

It’s not for nought that Tony Abbott was tagged the Mad Monk; in word and deed, he has a history of acts of bigotry, bastardry and cruelty.

The Abbott regime has deliberately targeted every government agency remotely involved in objective analysis, independent advice or scientific rigour. Funding has been reduced or removed, resources have been withdrawn and expertise has been derided and dismissed. For the first time in almost a hundred years, Australia has no Minister for Science.

That role was abolished by Tony Abbott among his first acts as prime minister.

The man who pledged in blood to speak the gospel truth and "restore accountability and improve transparency measures" has used and abused the past 10 months doing the exact opposite. Whether or not Abbott's father died of shame over his belligerent and vindictive son is no worthier of civil discourse than speculation regarding whether or not Tony Abbott fucks pigs.

That is, of course, unless Mantra Man uses his prime ministerial pulpit to proclaim the universal benefits of pig-fucking. And if he should then provide substantial taxpayer funding for pig-fuckers to promote their demented penchants in our schools to our children, then this is something we must defy and deny.

Perversely, Abbott's abuse of vulnerable, powerless people seeking refuge in Australia from violence, prejudice and poverty in their homeland is clearly at odds with his family's arrival by boat from England when he was a child.

As a native-born Aussie proud of the notion of a fair-go, I sympathise with the Abbott’s status as economic migrants seeking a better future, especially if they have since contributed to Australia's progress as a civil, just and fair society.

Whether Tony Abbott's parents have done so is not within the purview of this rant but Abbott himself has clearly and persistently been a negative, divisive and destructive influence.

For the well-being of the nation, for the general good of all, he should be removed from office and deported back to where he came from as a person not-of-good-character.

And so to Abbott's latest display of inept aggro excess.

The horrific destruction of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 with all aboard blown to Hell-and-gone by an apparent surface-to-air missile is beyond sanction and rightly to be condemned, its perpetrators brought to justice, its victims mourned.

But with the debris still burning, Abbott launched an inflammatory tirade against former KGB goon squad boss Vladimir Putin, against long-suffering Russia and the against the incompetent independence militia of Donetsk.

And it’s not Poot’n, you dickhead, its Putin, as in Pu’t’yin. Try saying it ten times quickly and you’ll get the hang of it.

Abbott persists in his partisan yapping, berating Putin, blaming him personally for the disaster and parroting Ukrainian government dot-points. Abbott should ask the Chechens what to expect.

Yet, even before U.S. Intelligence reports admitted as much, it was obvious that MH17 was targeted by mistake.

And it is by no means the first time a civilian aircraft was blown from the sky, an act of terror even the pure, impeccable and sanctimonious U.S.A. is guilty of by launching two missiles at Iranian Flight IR655 in 1988, killing all 290 civilians on board, including 66 children.

Australia itself may well have drowned hundreds of innocent men, women and children by sinking the boats of asylum seekers.

Who knows? After all, it is Abbott government policy to conceal its "on-water-activities", right?

There's sickening irony in the fact that Putin's international statesmanship, gravitas and humanitarian concern is just as credible as Abbott's.

Jeez Louise wouldn’t you just love to see those two dickheads duking it out in a boxing ring? Or, better still, wearing fluoro mankinis and wrestling in jelly.

For all Abbott's pontifications and Putin's excuses, the fundamental question remains unanswered: who the hell gave the go-ahead for MH17 to fly into a war zone?

Abbott's showy concern for MH17's dead vividly contrasts his gutless silence on the latest Israeli crimes against humanity committed in Gaza.

Opposition leader Bill "Swifty" Shorten's recognition of "unspeakable tragedy" failed to spot the mounting piles of shattered corpses in the most heavily populated region in the world. Unspeakable?

Yes: not to be spoken of. But apparently bombing UN refuges, hospitals and homes is just not tragic enough for him to condemn Zionazism, Likud and that cruel old bastard Netanyahu.

There WAS beetroot-faced Barnyard Joyce, the National Party shit-for-brains, on Q & A the other night, being given the opportunity to express his opinion on the Zionazi strategy of massive overkill of civilians, especially children, by bombing U.N. refugee camps, hospitals and schools. With clearly immense reluctance, Joyce spoke. His inanity, his timid generalisations, his vacuous, boiler-plate excuses, his lame ducking and weaving and desperate desire to avoid the issue was frighteningly telling.

I mean, it’s not as if the topic at hand was Scientology. Are all our pollies really that intimidated by the Israel Lobby? Apparently so. The sound of viewers gagging, vomiting and flushing toilets could be heard throughout Australia.

If there's one thing both Libs and Labs maintain bipartisan agreement on its Israel's right to shoot fish in a barrel with a bazooka.

Do the math. MH17: 298 dead for nothing. Gaza: 1400 dead and counting... and 6000-plus injured... and counting.

As with the never-ending U.S. “war-on-terror”, Israel’s atrocities ensure a steady increase in the numbers of justifiably infuriated enemies.

Regarding victims of the Israeli army, air force and navy, where are Tony Abbott's prime ministerial condemnations of the culprits, his demands for justice and respect for the dignity of the dead?  Where is Australia's U.N. Security Council motion for sanctions against Israel and for international intervention? And where-oh-where is Julie Bishop's daffy black hat that looks like a sea anemone?

There’s no denying the bloody idiocy of Hamas militia attempting to hit the side of a barn by crossing their fingers, making a wish and lobbing tea kettles and copper pots over Israel's Berlin Wall. Rampaging Israeli troops are legitimate targets, not some poor shmuck walking down Haifa Street with his shopping, ducking for cover from a blind-fired rocket.

But Hamas has one thing on its side that the Israeli government does not: history. I don't mean ancient Jewish fairy tales. I mean facts.

Hamas did not start this "conflict". Hamas has not forced Israelis into refugee camps, poverty, despair and graves for the past seven decades.

Hamas is not persisting in stealing Jewish land and resources and constructing illegal "settlements" in defiance of international law.

Hamas is not dividing Israel into easily oppressed ghettos, controlling food and water supply, sea lanes and movement in general.

And Hamas is not a foreign construct like Zionism, sustained by powerful U.S. lobby-groups, lawyers, guns and money.

And, after all, Palestinians have a right to defend themselves against the existential threat posed by a relentlessly expansionist rogue state armed with weapons of mass destruction.

So let us all pause for a moment's silence in respect of those slain in error aboard Malaysia Airlines Flight 17, for those being slain by the Ukrainian army bombardment of Donetsk and for those being slain as a matter of Israeli state policy in besieged Gaza. Lest we forget. Never again. And a partridge in a pear tree. Especially with the latest news that the U.S. has restocked Israel with ammunition after a Zionazi bombardment of a school in which scores of kids were slaughtered and maimed.

Yes, dear bleeders, as our Prime Minister so tactfully surmised, shit certainly happens.

I guess that's why he generously approved government support for relatives of Aussies killed aboard MH17 to travel to the Netherlands in order to accompany the repatriation of their loved ones' remains. Just like his generosity in denying entry visas to the parents of the Tamil asylum seeker who burned himself to death a few months ago. They only wanted to attend their son's funeral.

Oh, the humanity. Oh, the pig-fucker.

But Tony Abbott PM never won trust, it's just that Gillard and Rudd lost it. Hell, Abbott didn’t even win the 2013 federal election. Let’s do the math again.

According to the Australian Electoral Commission, Abbott’s Coalition got 54% of the two party-preferred vote, demonstrating the folly of a skewed system. But punters’ first preferences show the real story, with the ALP scoring 33.38%, the Fiberals 32.02%, LNP QLD 8.92%, NP 4.29% and CLP NT 0.32% and so on, descending accordingly. In other words Labs almost 34%, Fibs barely 32%. Close, but no mandate because one of those numbers is definitely higher than the other and it ain’t Abbott’s.

Oh, but what’s that you say, Monsignor? You are part of a Coalition? You md ean, a power-sharing arrangement with minor parties in order to form government, the very idea of which you so adamantly, positively and unequivocally condemned when in opposition? Oops.

The Libs have always slid into government on minimal primary votes and maximum lies.

I’m not sure whether Australia's asylum seeker policy is Kafkaesque or Monty Pythonesque. I mean, a mother and child are "detained indefinitely" on Christmas Island although the husband/father is an acknowledged refugee living "in Australia" (That's right, folks, Christmas Island is NOT Australia).  WTF.

And while there are wars, famine and oppressive regimes, there will be asylum seekers.

Currently around the world there are about two and a half million people fleeing their homelands.

In Lebanon a million people - a quarter of the population – are refugees, many escaping the bloodbath in Syria.

And here in Australia when it comes to asylum seekers we cringe and whinge about… how many? And we do WHAT to them? Even though more than 90 per cent of refugee applicants who reach Australia are found to be genuine? For real?

For real.

As Opposition Leader, Abbott blasted the Gillard government over and over and over again for failing to protect asylum seekers who tried to get here aboard barely seaworthy boats, while WikiLeaks cables revealed a senior Lib strategist gloating to a U.S. embassy wonk it was "fantastic" for the Fiberal party, saying: ''The more boats that come, the better."

Nowadays the government keeps the number of boats coming secret for “operational security reasons”. Indeed, Abbott had declared it “unpatriotic” to report details or dare question the zealous keepers of the Abbottoir.

In 2011 the Immigration Department employed just 13 spin doctors. Now, Phony Tony’s Immigration Department employs 66 media unit propagandists supported by an additional 33 Customs and Border Protection staff who whitewash “on-water operations” for him and his deranged Oberfuhrer Slut Morrison. Abbott also has a new, rarely-utilised, $300,000 Customs and Border Protection “high-tech”media briefing room – with $800 door knobs, no less – where his spokesthings can say “no comment”.

Yep. For real. Pig-fuckers.

As an accomplice of the U.S.A., Australia is directly responsible for the ongoing violence and devastation in Iraq and in Afghanistan - two major sources of refugees. Therefore the federal government has a responsibility to help those seeking asylum settle here, in safety and free from threat, and to provide them with health, education and working rights too.

Abbott’s cynical tactic of dumping asylum seekers on corrupt, buggerised PNG to be murdered or on corrupt, buggerised Nauru to be abused, and of returning boats to Indonesia even if people enter Australian waters or land on Australian territory, is against the United Nations Refugee Convention that Australia originally helped draft and, despite Abbott’s “illegals” bullshit, is still a signatory to. We could “unsign”, I suppose. Otherwise we could try the Israeli Solution: build a massive concrete wall all along the Australian coastline, Escape from New York-style. “Tony Plissken? I thought you wuz dead!”


And now, after ten months in office and after breaking every critical blood oath, promise and iron-clad commitment they made before, during and since the 2013 election, I suggest a new campaign slogan for Bluffman and his dysfunctional mob of rorters, bigots and backbench hacks, a slogan that will serve for our excrementitious PM's political epitaph: Promise everything, guarantee nothing.

Julia Gillard was crucified for her "There will be no carbon tax under a government I lead" sound bite when Abbott, his cheer squad and Murdoch's town criers carefully excised the rest of her words "but I am determined to introduce a price on carbon".

Triassic Tony spent three years baying for "Juliar's" blood after the establishment of an industry price on carbon that he conned people into thinking was a new "tax".  And this appalling charade was all played out in the blazing light of the fact that Abbott is on record describing a price on carbon as the most sensible option for reducing carbon emissions. But Abbott and his acolytes don't "misspeak" or change their minds or whatever other lazy, craven, namby-pamby adjective the lame-stream media uses. Oh no. They lie.

It's deliberate. It's planned. It's policy.

In Lib Fed Treasurer Joe Hockey’s first and last Budget, the most telling items impose massive funding cuts to the CSIRO but provide a generous increase in funding for the government’s "school chaplaincy program".

Rational, fact-based science is out, crazy-eyed pig-fucking is in.

Just as crazy-eyed is the Abbott mob's obsession with a federal Budget surplus, as if that's the only measure of economic progress. And naturally – for the Libs – the Budget deficit can only be “fixed” with vicious cuts that target the most vulnerable people at the bottom of the money ladder.

Abbott's hero, Saint Robert Menzies (the original Colt from Kooyang... or was it Cunt?) must be scratching his crumbling skull in perplexity, since he managed to cling to power for an historic 16 years as Australia's longest reigning prime minister without nailing a single, solitary budget surplus.

Not one. Nil. Nada. Zip.

Meanwhile, the former Labor government created a million jobs during a global economic recession, achieved the lowest interest rates in Australian history, low inflation, low taxes, a strong dollar, continued GDP growth, record investment, a AAA rating awarded by very financial institutions the Libs usually worship, and became the envy of the western world. And that, according to the fatuous Hockey and mulish Abbott, constituted a budget emergency, a “crisis”.

Just as an aside, I wish to remind punters that "Pig Iron" Bob's record was not a straight run but one broken by the advent of WW2, during which Labor's giant-with-feet-of-clay Ben Chifley served as prime minister, defying Britain's selfish demands in order to defend Australia. Fuck all that jingoism, commercialism and politically exploited, over-the-top Gallipoli bullshit: Kokoda is where Australia bit the bullet as a sovereign nation [I'm sure XN savant Tex Lumbago can shed more light on Old Blighty and Churchill's low, brandy-soused opinion of Aussie sovereignty].

That's right, the Libs couldn't tie their boot laces during a genuine war with real threats to our borders.

And how do you think Menzies earned his infamous nick-name? That's right, children, in the lead-up to war he was selling our precious dirt to the Japanese. A bit like the Lying Rodent and that remarkable twat Downer blithely ignoring kickbacks worth about $300 million the Australian Wheat Board paid Saddam Hussein, breaching U.N. sanctions and despite the U.S. invasion of Iraq during which we were persistently told by the Rodent and by the twat what a very VERY bad guy Saddam was.

Sure, a federal police-led investigation into the AWB's oil-for-food scandal was established in late 2006 as a result of the Cole royal commission but the Howard government starved it of resources and shut it down early.

In a June 2012 interview with Melbourne’s The Age newspaper and ABC TV's 7.30 program, former AFP senior officer Ross Fusca revealed he was even offered a promotion if he would end the inquiry and ''make the oil-for-food taskforce go away.” Failing this, Fusca - a 30-year AFP veteran - was sidelined, given only menial work and forced to resign.

How about a new royal commission into THAT, you treacherous pig-fuckers!

Anyhoo, instead of a skilled, savvy negotiator in Julia Gillard – arguably the best PM Australia never had - who oversaw 590 pieces of legislation despite a hostile parliament, we now have a petty, peddle-pushing buffoon for prime minister, an inarticulate homophobe who considers women second class citizens, thinks asylum seekers are a political not an humanitarian issue, poo-poos objective economic reporting that contradicts Lib lies, shrugs off the hypocrisy of hounding Peter Slipper over dodgy cab vouchers while he and his colleagues rort their parliamentary entitlements, and who believes bronze-age myth over science so that “climate change is crap”.

As for the 200 Parliamentary Budget Office costings Abbott promised to release "in good time" at his Corio conference during last year’s election campaign, where the bloody hell are they?

Ten months in office and, as far as I can tell, they STILL haven’t been released for scrutiny. And these are the “adults in charge”.

Who do you trust? Pass the Nutella, please.

But Abbott has convinced me of one truism. That an Opposition's only purpose is to oppose and to sabotage anything and everything proposed by a Government.

Following the proven Abbott code of conduct, I fully expected Labor to bellow a resounding NO at any and every proposed act of Fiberal government scumbuggery.

I also expected relentless Labor attempts to disrupt the functions of Parliament and persistent calls for another election. What's good for one goose is good for another.

There should also have been relentless onslaught of criticism of Abbott’s hair (On his chest if not his head), his dress sense, his shoes, his arse, his chimpanzee gait and his barely coherent mumblings. Oh, and amusing in-jokes about his private parts listed, for example, on a dinner menu at a knees-up of the party faithful.

And since Mr Abbott adamantly ruled out power-sharing among minor parties as a means of forming government I fully expected the Liberal and National Coalition to declare the election result null and void, to split and to vacate the adults' table.

Of course, none of this happened. Labor remains missing in inaction. The lamestream media continues to serve Abbott soft-balls. And that stale turd-on-legs Alan Jones is not stuffed inside a chaff bag at the bottom of the Pacific.

Lazy news media outlets continue to avoid asking Abbott tough questions and cowardly Abbott continues to avoid real interviews with real journalists, at Peta Creeplin’s command I guess, just in case viewers are rewarded with another glimpse of the REAL Tony Abbott as in 2011 when he froze on camera and failed to speak for 24 seconds of mute, enraged head-nodding after being asked by Channel 7's Mark Riley to explain his ''shit happens'' comment about a soldier's death in Afghanistan.

Gutless, shameless and gormless. I'm done voting for any of these crackpots, crooks and self-serving frauds. Just remember, folks, when author Donald Horne described Australia "The Lucky Country" he was being sarcastic.

But some Australians are getting mad. Very mad. Their scars are starting to itch.

The rusty wheel is turning. And there will NO second term for Abbott’s pig-fuckers.

We live in hope, we die oblivious.

So, March Australia!

Finally, dear bleeders, a brief personal anecdote.

The other day I was at Vichy Joe's beach bar knocking back Pernod spritzers with my old mate Lefauchaux who queried my absolute certainty that Tony Abbott is the biggest, most brazen liar Australian politics has ever suffered. Ever.

Paraphrasing the late great Hunter S. Thompson I replied "the bastard breathes" and Lefauchaux shouted the next three rounds.

This was Max Gross, ranting again at long bloody last for XENOX NEWS online.

Huzzah! We are many and hunt together... as one! [I pinched that line off Roland Emmerich].

Now, light the bonfires, sharpen the pitchforks and release the hounds.  Kick against the pricks, dear bleeders, it really is time to take out the garbage and… ABORT ABBOTT!

Read more Max here.


Offend-o-Meter: 5 / 5

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