Created: Monday, 13 December 2004 Written by Den1Foreign Minister and terrorist expert Alexander Downer has warned that Santa Claus could have been recruited by the Al Qaida network after his yearly letter to the man in the red suit was returned to him complete with a host of profanities.
"Santa referred to me as an imperialist bastard and then finished off the letter by telling me to "Get Fucked" said a stunned Foreign Minister. The letter which is now being studied by agents from ASIO is said to be the latest clue that Santa may have turned on the western world with some experts going as far as suggesting that Osama Bin Laden and Santa are in fact the same person.
"I'd hate to think it's true" said a visibly shaken Downer."But in all my years of sending off letters to Santa never before has he called me "a brain dead piece of shit" .
Intelligence agencies around the world have been put on stand by in case of an attack by Santa Claus with the Americans set to open a new wing at Guantanamo Bay prison designed specifically to hold members of Santa's gang.
"In the name of freedom we've already rounded up a few Santa's from shopping malls and started the interrogation process" said a source from within the CIA adding that the interrogation process is the same as the one that proved so successful when questioning terrorist suspects in war torn Iraq.
"The first thing we do is take Santa's pants off him and make him walk around for a couple of days with his bits hanging out. After that we might make him perform a homesexual act and then we set the killer dogs on him" said the source.
Civil libertarians in the US are in uproar over the treatment of the Santas but the CIA claims that they've already gotten a confession from one detainee.
"After shoving a fire hose up the ass of one suspect and running electricity through his balls he did admit that Santa's workshop was in fact a bomb making facility and that most of the elves that worked there were members of the Taliban" claimed the source.
Following the break through President George Bush has announced a squad of marines will be sent to the North Pole vowing to blow up every igloo that looks remotely like a Santa hideout while John Howard has said "we will help our American friends to defeat Santa in anyway possible".