Wednesday, 15 November 2006 By Foreign Affairs DeskKept on life support since his stroke late last year, the former strongman of Israeli politics, who has probably killed more civilians than any other living soldier, has continued to offer guidance to the current Israeli leadership.
It seems Ariel Sharon is sending his advice to Israel via his arse.
That’s right, old fat man Ariel Sharon is still inspiring the leaders of Israel with pronouncements from beyond consciousness. In fact, Xenox News can report to you that Israeli Prime Minister Egghead Omelette is daily receiving tips from the flatulence of the bed ridden former Israeli PM!
“We have a hotline from the PM’s office to Sharon’s colon. The messages sound like a very ancient Aramaic tongue, or perhaps German,” one unnamed Government official told us,
“They have a microphone setup to catch all the utterances of his bowel.”
PM Egghead Omelette looked to Ariel’s arse for guidance during the recent attack on Israel by Hizbollah, often spending many hours listening to tape recordings of the flatulent pronouncements, or reading transcripts of them.
Other members of Israel’s Governmental Illuminati can often be seen on their knees round Sharon’s prostrate body carefully listening or sniffing for signs.
Some have gone beyond the sounds and are in fact collecting the odours to inspire them more.
“Tzippi has a bagful,” said one Foreign Ministry insider.
Hot Israeli Princess and Foreign Minister Tzippi Livne likes to sniff Ariel’s arse for advice!
Said another senior Government official:
“We see no problem with it. In these dangerous times mystic guidance is essential. Remember the burning bush? If Moses hadn’t listened to it where would we be now?”