Created: Sunday, 23 April 2006 Written by Royal Reporter

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Celebrations for Queen Elizabeth’s 80th birthday were shaken today when the Queen announced that she wanted to come out of the closet.


“My husband and I haven’t fucked for over 30 years,” the Royal declared from her Buckingham Palace balcony to the thousands gathered at her official birthday celebrations,
“In fact I can’t stand the thought of his Greek sausage being anywhere near my Royal vagina.”


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Sights like this used to get Monarchist David Flint in a right-royal tizz!



As her subjects stood with their mouths agape, Queen Liz went on to say that she wanted the world to know she was a lipstick lesbian who liked nothing more than enjoying the pleasures of a sensual women.


“Having reached the ripe old age of 80 I thought it was only fitting that I should let my subjects know that I can no longer keep up the charade of my marriage,” said Queen Liz the Licker,
“So from now on I am moving in with my long time lover Liza Minelli.”



XenoxNews sought comment from Australia’s 70 year old PM John Howard, a staunch monarchist, but a spokesman told us he was still in shock from the Queen’s announcement.