Created: Thursday, 01 August 2002 Written by scuzziIn a surprise Cabinet reshuffle move earlier today the Minister for Doing Nothing has swapped chairs with the Minister for Saying Nothing.
Official sources from the Department of Not Offending Anyone say the move is purely for medical reasons and that the Minister for Doing Nothing has a bladder problem and that chair is closer to the toilet door.
Insider sources however, whilst admitting the Minister for Doing Nothing is bladder challenged, consider the move a downgrade and attribute it to the Ministers "Breach of Portfolio". Consistent urination, it would seem, is envisaged as "doing something" The Victorian Labor Party came to power on the backlash of the vote against Jeff Kennett. The Kennett Liberal government was awash with new ideas and although Victoria thrived in a rush of major infrastructure projects, the "can do" style of leadership of Kennett and his government incurred a severe reprimand at the polls.
The incoming Bracks Labour Government has learnt this lesson well and and has set itself up so that its policies and structure are exceptionally non obtrusive. So non obtrusive in fact that some Victorian voters are beginning to forget that there actually is a Victorian State Government.
KRA (Key Result Area) figures leaked last week from the Department of No Bad Publicity, show the average drop in newspaper articles featuring members of the State Government is almost 95% from the Kennett years.
Much of this remarkable work can be attributed to the wise policies of the Minister for Not Being Seen and his Secretary of Evasion.
The Department of Froth and Bubble (DFB) have produced policies and product for mass consumption by the media. The aim of the DFB is to produce the illusion that the government is around somewhere and does have political and economic growth policies without actually creating any controversy. Much of this product is created by displaying projects started during the Kennett era being opened and launched by the current Government Members.
One political commentator described this product as, "Heres your omelette, but hey- we didn't break any eggs!"
Inside sources note that if the Bracks Government get re-elected then they may disappear altogether thus creating a perpetual non-elected government that no-one sees or cares about. It is believed that as long as the Bracks Government doesn't upset anyone, they have a good chance of reelection.
Whilst contemplating this on the steps of Treasury Place, Xenox news noted with some sadness that this is probably true.