DIY HOWARD SPEAK

Created: Tuesday, 04 October 2005 Written by Chato
Star InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar Inactive
 
You can help retire the elderly
and confused PM with the aid of
this Do-It-Yourself kit for
making your own very surreal
Prime Ministerial statements.
Easily remove all trace of
clarity from any issue. *The nation is:
[Very well-governed]
[Very wealthy and secure]
[Facing economic peril]
[Enjoying prosperity]
[Going through a rocky patch]
[Full of hard workers]
[Full of bludgers]
[At the mercy of global forces]
[Independent of global forces]
[Strong and independent]
[Needing strong friends]
[Going it alone]
[Standing tall]
[Under violent attack]
[Essentially failing]
[Naturally rich]
[Naturally barren]
[Naturally fertile]
[Unnaturally rich]
[Unnaturally barren]
[Unnaturally fertile]
[Part of the World]
[Fighting the World]
[Lagging behind]
[Surging ahead]
[Held back by bludgers]
[Leading the world]
[Peaceful]
[Warlike and fierce]
[Neutral]
[Partisan]
[Sharing American values]
[Sharing Asian values]
[Sharing British values]
[Sharing European values]
[Sharing Globalist values]
[Sharing Corporate values]
[Having its own values]
[Part of Asia]
[Part of an American coalition]
[Converging with China]
[Part of China]
[Turning Japanese]
[Fighting bludgers]
[Fighting terror]
[Fighting high wages]

*Aussies are:
[Completely safe]
[In extreme danger]
[Alert but not alarmed]
[Hysterical]
[Relaxed and comfortable]
[Facing hard times]
[Wealthy and decent]
[Poor and indecent]
[Unusually clever]
[Needing education]
[Hard working]
[Bludgers]
[Bludging]
[A pack of bludgers]
[Having a bludge]
[Wanting to bludge]
[On a bludge]
[Work-shy]
[Very work-shy]
[Greedy]
[Generous]
[Ready for anything]
[Cautious and sober]
[Patriotic]
[Citizens of the World]
[Conservative]
[Radical]
[Doing too much bludging]
[Being paid too much]

*The nation desperately needs:
[Radical reform]
[Extremely radical reform]
[Shock therapy]
[More change]
[Conservatism]
[Traditional values]
[More sport]
[More workers]
[Less bludging]
[More trained workers]
[More untrained workers]
[More charity workers]
[More cheap workers]
[More very cheap workers]
[To dump traditional values]
[To go with globalism]
[To fight globalism]
[Stern individualism]
[To follow Christ]
[Selfishness]
[Selflessness]
[To be independent]
[To form coalitions]
[Low interest rates]
[No interest rates]
[Low inflation]
[No inflation]
[Low petrol prices]
[To ignore high petrol prices]
[Free global markets]
[Exclusive trading blocs]
[Govt. grants to business]

*You need to:
[Stop bludging]
[Work cheaper, longer, harder]
[Compete with cheap labour]
[Live off "investments"]
[Stand up for your rights]
[Follow orders]
[Think for yourself]
[Defer to tradition]
[Put yourself first]
[Put the nation first]
[Save money]
[Borrow money]
[Spend your money]
[Live frugally]
[Invest your savings]
[Pay rent]
[Live off rents]
[Earn less]
[Earn more]
[Pay more tax]
[Pay less tax]
[Embrace family values]
[Embrace corporate values]
[Embrace national values]
[Embrace global values]
[Be ambitious]
[Be selfless]
[Volunteer your labour]
[Sell your labour high]
[Compete always]
[Co-operate always]
[Get trained]
[Get back to work]
[Accept unemployment]
[Don't accept unemployment]
[Put nation first]
[Put people first]
[Put family first]
[Put work first]
[Put yourself first]
[Be loyal to others]
[Be loyal to yourself]
[Dob in others]
[Dob in yourself]
[Trust your boss]
[Trust property pimps]
[Trust your leaders]
[Trust your priests]
[Trust politicians]
[Trust me]
[Trust my government]
[Feel ashamed of bludging]

*Economic conditions are set by:
[My policies]
[My government's policies]
[Good economic management]
[Market forces]
[Other government's policies]
[Banks]
[High wages]
[Low wages]
[Low interest rates]
[High interest rates]
[Low inflation]
[High inflation]
[People borrowing]
[People not borrowing]
[Too much personal saving]
[Too little personal saving]
[Financial conditions]
[Global market forces]
[Powerful forces]
[Bludgers]
[Bludging]
[Bludgers bludging]
[Unions]
[Socialists]
[Socialists bludging]
[Saddam]
[Osama]
[Terrorists]
[More bludging]
[Anything at all]

*The PM is:
[Humble]
[Very humble]
[Very, very humble]
[Very, very proud]
[Very, very proud, and humble]
[Proud and very humble]
[Honoured and very humble]
[Extremely humble and proud]
[Very fair]
[Stern but fair]
[Fair but stern]
[Promoting fairness]
[Not drunk with power]
[Not insane with power]
[Being honest with the public]
[Not apologizing]
[Not apologizing for that]
[Never knowing what others do]
[Letting his compassion flow]
[Generous to Asians]
[Stern to Aussies]
[Stern to Asians]
[Generous to Aussies]
[An Australian first]
[An American first]
[A global citizen first]
[A Christian first]
[A Jewish brother]
[A Muslim brother]
[An Asian first]
[Finding WMD]
[Not finding WMD]
[Not about deposing Saddam]
[About deposing Saddam]
[Launching pre-emptive strikes]
[Not launching pre-emptive strikes]
[Staying the course]
[Not cutting and running]
[Getting the job done]
[Doing "what must be done"]
[Obeying the will of the people]
[Leading the people]
[Standing for family values]
[Standing for corporate values]
[Standing for individualism]
[Standing for the nation]
[Standing for globalism]
[Standing for goodness]
[Standing against evil]
[Getting bludgers back to work]
[Stopping the poor from bludging]
[Setting globalized wages]
[Letting market set wages]
[Not letting market set wages]
[Setting "fair" wages]
[Setting the "fairest" wages]
[Very firm]
[Very flexible]
[Very effective]
[Never bludging]
[Not lying to you]
[Making rock-solid promises]
[Making iron-clad promises]
[Not breaking promises]
[Stopping any further bludging]